Alternative Note: Second Chance
by AlexM1983
Summary: Light has had a plan to get rid of suspicion and kill L in one step. Light’s devilish plan is working perfect. But there’s someone with the exactly same thinking who can over see this. Just he can stop him. Alternative to the events in epsiode 22
1. Realization

I'll use the original name orders always according to the nation. So if a nation is using the eastern name order the I'll write in that, if another uses the western name order then I'll use in that form about his/her/its name.

Japanese names will be written in Hepburn v2 romanization. (ā = a long vowel, ē = e long vowel, ī = i long vowel, ō = o long vowel, ū = u long vowel)

It will contain dramatic, hurt/comfort and comic parts but it's mostly a drama. It's written in first person view and somewhat real-time and has an immediate res beginning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

This will be just written in the first chapter. Authore notes are at the end of the chapter.

Enjoy!

* * *

**Realization**

This Kira is different from the first Kira for sure. The first Kira seemed to share my point of view. I mean killing just violent criminals, but leaving reformed criminals or those, who really regretted what they did, alive. That's close to my molar standards. Ryūzaki thinks I'm the first Kira, that's why he holds us handcuffed together. Then Ryūzaki begins:  
"May I ask you something, Light"  
"Yes, Ryūzaki?"  
"Do you think this Kira is a narcissist?"  
"What's a narcissist? I haven't heard that term before."  
"Well a narcissist is someone, who doesn't feel other people's feelings, he's extremely self-centered. Don't care about others, is a liar, manipulates people around him, to keep his false image, the image which brings him attention, support, acceptance, acknowledgement. Some of them take this so called "Narcissistic Supply" in form of money, success, power or even sex. And of course grandiosity is the most important part. Which means, he feels, he is over any human being and only he has the right to judge others."  
"Yeah! He might be one. Do you think the first Kira and the new Kira shares the same personality? Although, there are differences like this Kira kills any criminal while the first just killed violent criminals."  
"I haven't told you that, but I disagreed with your profile of the first Kira in one point. You said he's ignorant, while I think he's not. You said he just killed violent criminals, but don't forget about the twelve FBI agents and some minor criminals. It's interesting that those minor criminals begin to be killed by Kira, just when you were under observation and stopped slightly after we removed the cameras from your house. It's an interesting coincidence, don't you think?"  
No! That again! Please stop with it! This could also mean that someone is trying to frame me from your group. If you're really my friend why don't you believe me? I'm your friend damn it!  
"What suppose this to mean, Ryūzaki?" Dad interrupted him. "My son has been cleared from being Kira."  
"Actually not. That's why we have these." He replied and raised his hands to show the handcuffs. "But back to your question Light: this one is definitely ignorant."  
"Why do you do this to me?!" I replied with sadness and rage in my voice. "Do you know how it feels like to hear that your supposed friend holds you a serial killer? Do you know how it's feels like the thought of being one? But tell me Ryūzaki how could be I don't remember any of the killings?"  
"So, you do understand why I was depressed. I'm childish and a sure looser, so you may be not the first Kira, means I was wrong, which is a disaster for me, but if you are Kira, means I'll loose my first friend. And come down! Before you hit me again think! I'm stronger than you, and I don't want to end kicking out my friends teeth or breaking his nose." Ryūzaki said and waited a few seconds, while I and Dad calmed down. "For first I know you are an idealist, and Kira started these killings to achieve a safer world with his supernatural power. But later this power corrupted him, and raised his grandiosity to a new level. He played god, and he might think himself god of his world. Soon after that he began to kill anyone who opposed him. The other part is while you were under surveillance in your cell your personality has dramatically changed from one moment to other at your seventh day. Which means either you was controlled by Kira or Kira's power left you. Another question to you, Light: if Kira's power left you, did that happen by itself or through your will."  
What is this supposed to mean again? If I was Kira I could remember I killed someone. You annoy me with this. Just leave me alone! I jumped up from the computer chair. No, I must hold myself back. I don't want bruises in my face around my mouth. But I will show the others how absurd you are to come back always with this. I'm damn angry with you Ryūzaki.  
"Dad and others! Ryūzaki still thinks I am Kira! And I have managed everything what happened this way to get rid of suspicion."  
"Is that right, Ryūzaki?" Dad asked.  
"That's correct."  
But what if he is right? No! He can't be right! I know myself now matter what I couldn't do that. These thoughts make me sad.  
"But if we suppose that, I think, loosing Kira's power was my own will."  
"But my son!" Dad broke out.  
"Thanks! That was what I hoped to hear." Ryūzaki said. "Now we can continue capturing Higuchi."

Later on that night.  
The first Kira seems to share my moral and thinking pattern. But how could have I forgotten about those many killings? If being Kira is some kind of supernatural capability and if I suppose only by my own will can be lost. Can it be that it takes also the persons memory away too? No, I can remember on any day of my life, what I did, how annoying but interesting I found L's actions. How interesting I found his alias: Ryūga Hideki as he introduced himself. Using a Japanese pop-star's name without being even Japanese, the same goes for the other one Ryūzaki. Or this Watari, he looks like a classic old noble English gentleman. What if I was Kira and I have given up this capability, and I lost my memory's about having this supernatural thing? The trap is set for Higuchi Kyōsuke. Tomorrow I will find out more about this. But what if I was Kira and I lost all my memories about it and the evidences are against me, what will happen to me, will I be imprisoned or even worse executed? Is Ryūzaki really that kind of person? Would he send mi to the executor? He mentioned many times, that he just takes those cases which he is interested in. And he's just like me, doesn't like to loose. He also tortured Misa for a confession. May be if I don't go voluntary under observation, he might have tortured even me. Yes, and he tortured me actually too, just not physically like Misa only mentally. He can be such un-human. On the other hand I would do anything for justice. No! Not anything just things which aren't against my moral standards.  
"Hey! Ryūzaki, do you think I fit in the first Kira's profile?"  
"Oh! Let's see. Yes, because: you are childish, you hate to lose, and you are an overachiever. You seem to lack deep emotions, you're a drama-queen. You must be right! You want the acknowledgement of your peers, for your capabilities, you want to be accepted, but as the fake omniscient guy. You under estimate your peers because they are morally and intellectually below you. And as most important you want your father's attention. Am I right?"  
"OK. You are right I am childish, but I'm just turned 18. Yes I hate to lose, but who does? I experience: anger, hate, being happy, being sad, being confused, annoyance."  
"That's not many, a "normal" person experiences in average 20. I do experience just 5. Did you regret anything?"  
"I was always a good boy. I never did bad things to regret, although once I slapped my younger sister when I was six. Mom hit me twice on my bottom. That was the first and last time I was punished."  
"Tell me when you hit your sister did she cry?"  
"Yes."  
"Did you feel like you wanna cry too, or felt sorry about that before you get spanked?"  
"Don't know, Mom was very quickly there, actually she must have seen it."  
"OK. If you see someone cry, do you feel sad because of it?"  
"Yes. Kind a, I feel sorry for him or her, when I know why."  
"That's not good you seem to have just intellectual empathy. Tell me Light, do you experience love?"  
"I love my family."  
"And anybody of your peers?"  
"I like you, Misa and my friends."  
"Did you have any sexual experience?"  
"No. Why are you asking?"  
"Just for your profile. What is more important to you: appearance or intellect?"  
"Wow! I guess appearance is also important but I couldn't do without my intellect."  
"Just as I thought you're a more cerebral than a somatic one. Did you use your appearance to get what you want?"  
"No! That's against my standards, I can't do that. Though, I noticed that girls like me even the elder ones."  
"You have success with the girls. You had also some relationship with them. Can you tell me about that?"  
"No, that's private. But I can tell you those weren't serious."  
"What do you mean weren't serious?"  
"I helped many of my classmates in math, physics and chemistry. Yuri and Mayo offered me to go out together. But they didn't fit in my standards about being my girlfriend and I don't like to hurt others feelings, so I said to them, I have to prepare myself for my entrance exam and till then I can't go out."  
"But you've gone out with Yuri, while you were followed by Raye Panber."  
"That's right. It's weird, my memories about that are fuzzy and blurry. And I almost have the feeling I did that on purpose." I said the last sentence slower, than usual. It's weird. My ethics are against those kinds of actions. But I did that not just once. When I was followed by Ryūzaki in Marc I even kissed Shiho on purpose. Than the same with Emi and Takada in May again, when I thought being followed by the police again, and all this just in less than a week. I kissed Takada when I was pretending to be Misa's boyfriend. It's like I was not myself. I know I'm not that rotten or I don't know myself anymore?  
"Are you OK?" He asked and waited a few seconds. "Light? Do you hear me? Light?" I heard his question and I even did understand it, but I couldn't answer it right away.  
"Yes! Thanks! I'm fine! Just I do not understand some of my past actions anymore. As if one of my parts would be missing…"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Just never mind!"  
"Alright! Can we continue?"  
"Yes. I guess so."  
"Did you have sometimes depressed periods in your life? Which are sometimes experienced as periods of boredom."  
"When sometimes it feels like boredom, than yes, I think I was depressed since age of 14. But than before my 18th birthday I've got out of it. And after being one week in the cell I was depressed again, but rejoining the Kira investigation group had free me from that feeling again. It filled me with enthusiasm."  
"Yes, I already know how the enthusiastic Light looks like. It may be a bit harsh question, but… Have you ever though to commit suicide?"  
"No, never."  
"You are an interesting person Yagami Light. You fit in that profile, but not exactly. You're a better person."  
As usually Ryūzaki had to have the last word. He turned his head back to his monitor. I did the same thing. But I can't concentrate anymore. I have to know why I did those things. It makes just no sense. Can Ryūzaki be right and I was really Kira? If I have left that power to escape being captured and executed, how did I do that? I don't know. I'm not even sure in not being Kira anymore. As I see, the first Kira is very likely someone like me, who shares the same ideals as I do. And I can't call him evil. Even Ryūzaki said at the beginning he had good intention to do this what he did. But he is power hungry and corrupt. I'm not power hungry. Or am I? I had day dreams being a successful leader of the police or famous detective. I want to be a living Hercule Poirot! Or now another L. I have the capabilities for that. Dad never told me, how he proud of me is, or said grate job son. Mom did, Sayu did, my classmates did, my teachers did, even Ryūzaki did, but he never. He never even told me in the past few years he loves me. The only thing what I've got from him, was "I'm glad that you want to step in my footsteps! But I think you are wasting your talent as being a cop. You should be a scientist or an engineer. You are very smart with computers too, my son, may be you should be programmer instead." Or when I found out that this Kira is behind Yotsuba Group, what I've got from him? Matsuda said he and I found that out, he said great job, but he told that to Matsuda. As if I didn't do anything. The truth is Matsuda has only shown me that program. Will he ever acknowledge me? I know from his reactions, that he loves me from bottom of his heart. Would that be so hard to say? I shouldn't be so hard to him. He was really seldom at home. He usually missed almost every my birthdays. On my 17th birthday he gave me this watch as present and as a way to tell me sorry I had to work again on your birthday, son. I've begun to have fantasies about being the leader of the world or at least they would listen to my guidance at age of 12. I know how the world should work to be a better place for everyone. Even if it wouldn't be perfect it would be much better than this. But I'm aware those are just fantasies. Kira must have thought on the same things, but he must have the power to do that, but he crossed the line. I can't let this Kira or even the first Kira get away. I'm better than them! But if I was Kira, that means I'm not much better than a dictator with blood on his hands. No! That just can't be! But these thoughts are so depressing. Tomorrow will be a grate day. I have to be fit. I have to go to sleep. There is nothing to do tonight. Even Ryūzaki has nothing to do.  
"Ryūzaki! I would like to sleep."  
"OK. I can think in the bed too. And you aren't any use if you are tired."

We are going first in the bedroom to get my pajama. Ryūzaki, if he ever sleeps I suppose he sleeps in that odd sitting position of his and in his clothes.  
"I've got them, we can go."  
At least being with me in 24/7 does not include to be with me in the bathroom. And for a few minutes I'm free from these handcuffs too. Ryūzaki gets down these handcuffs and I enter the bathroom. A quick look in the mirror. Oh! On the next week my hair needs a cut. I get down my clothes, open the water and set the temperature. And finally I'm entering the shower. Ryūzaki has serious issues with basic hygiene.  
"Hey Ryūzaki! Do you wanna take a shower after me?"  
"No, thanks! I've already did that two days ago, and I can't let you for that time out of sight."  
"Yeah! That's right! And soap lowers the reasoning skills. Mhuhmhmhahaaha! Ghihaha! Ha! Ha! He! He! Hah! Ha!"  
"Light! Did anyone ever tell you, with that scary laugh of yours, you could be the Japanese voice of the Joker in the Batman movies and/or serials?" He replied with his monotone serious voice, which made me even more laugh.  
"OK! That was a mistake from me. Usually you are too shy and too serious. But if you switch in this crazy-mode than it's easy to sprinkle gasoline to that fire!" He said this time with a happy voice. I know he must be smiling at least, although when I see him smiling, it always makes me shiver.  
"Please stop that Light! It hurts my ears. You sound like a broken coffee grinder!" This time Ryūzaki sounded as if he were close to laugh too. I laugh for a minute at least, but now I feel much better.  
After a few minutes my thoughts are again of the facts and possibilities. I just can't be Kira. If I were Kira, I would have been much better. I'm not power hungry. I'm not spoiled. Although I hate if someone oppose me but I wouldn't never-ever go so far to kill someone opposing me. Kira's power is just too powerful. It must be easy to kill with it, may be too ease to been even realized. He can kill without being present and a heart attack doesn't even seem to be violent. But he can also kill with accidents and he can manipulate his victims' actions. I suppose, it must be not much harder than killing somebody with a heart attack. He needs a name and a face. If he would be just like the second Kira, he would seem more God like. But why he needs the name? Why isn't the face enough? Knowing that the first Kira needed a face and a name and the second just a face, seems not to make sense at first, but if I suppose that the second Kira needs the name too, it would mean he can see someone's name just by looking at him. And there are these "eyes", what the second Kira said in his message. If Misa is or rather was the second Kira, that would it explain, how she found me. She can't remember it how has she found out my name, and she saw me when we were with Matsuda in Aoyoma. There is no way she could figure out my name. She was looking for the first Kira and instead she found me. I begin to understand Ryūzaki why is he still suspicious of me. Misa didn't change his personality in captivity. And she was in a lot worse situation than I, she was also physically tortured. But I'm not sure she didn't change it. I must ask Ryūzaki. I will ask him after I'm finished here. What if I was Kira, how can I live longer with that? More important, what will happen to me, if there will be evidences against me? I'm afraid that Dad will this time really kill me and after that kill himself. I don't wanna die, nor go to prison either. That would be just cruel, Japan's most honest and hardworking student, who even helped to solve cases, imprisoned for lifetime together with serial killers and other violent criminals for crimes he can't even remember. Besides that fact, I would have bad times there, many of them are homosexual and the others would beat me just for fun, and that's not even the worst case. What if my inmates figure out, I was imprisoned of being Kira. They would beat me to death.  
"Hey Light! You are already there for 40 minutes. If you stay longer the chlorine in the water will solve your skin."  
"I'm almost finished." OK! Get out! Get the towel and towel yourself. Now I have to dress in my pajama and leave. Ryūzaki is closing my left hand again in the handcuffs.  
"Is everything alright with you? You usually take just a bath for 20 minutes, and you doubled that this time." He asked.  
No! There are lots of troubles about to be worried. Would you sentence me to death Ryūzaki? Would you? Now just look and behave natural. Make a small innocent smile and face, sound serious.  
"No. Everything is fine. I just had some thoughts about the second Kira."  
"I can understand you! If you thought on our second Kira suspect, well she is definitely beautiful." He answered. Yes, she is beautiful and loves me, but she is just too silly to meet my requirements.  
"Yes, she is. But I thought on her capabilities. As the second Kira needed just a face to kill, while the first one needed a face and a name. This doesn't make sense."  
"Why? Light, if I may ask."  
"Well if they share the same supernatural power that would mean they kill in the same way. If they just have to think on somebody to die, then why would the first Kira need a name? It does just make sense when the second Kira needs the name too, but she can know the name just by looking at the face."  
"Well, that's right! This would explain how she found you. But are you aware that this has increased your probability of being Kira to 57% and Misa being the second Kira to 90%?"  
"Stop that, Ryūzaki!" Why do you need to hurt me, and remained me what I hate in you. Don't you realize how much this hurts? You do this on purpose! You would like to watch me being executed. I closed my hands in to fists.  
"Come down! Or does Light wanna have a good night fight?" Ryūzaki said that with a smile in his face.  
Oh! How I hate when he provokes me in this arrogant childish way. He is right, he is really stronger then I, no need to have bruises on my face and black eyes.  
"No! I don't want." I calmed myself down. "May I ask you something? Did Misa's personality also changed during her captivity?"  
"No! It didn't, but after the third day she seems to forgotten why we brought her there, and began to talk about you and some stalker stuff. Before that she didn't said a word. Why did you ask?"  
To know that Kira's power changes your personality. Just answer it naturally.  
"Nothing, just pure curiosity." Good. I hope he believed me. There's no need to make any hint to him that I question myself in this case. We reached the bedroom.  
"Do you absolutely need every day a 20 minutes shower?" He asked.  
"Yes. If I wouldn't it would drop my deductive skills about 60%." I replied with his monotonous voice and style. After that I put a small smile.

I laid myself into my bed, while Ryūzaki is "sitting" on his bed. And of course his vacuum-cleaner-notebook is by him. What a pain! Does he need to torture me even at nights with something? So, I at least know that Misa's personality didn't change, if she was the second Kira. But my did, if I was the first. Supposing that I was Kira, some of my core personalities can't be changed. I had to give up this power, although I thought, I was right with what I did. If I know I'm right I would never give up. There was no other escape, but how could I give up this power if I knew I would loose my memory about that, and so I can't regain it?  
Simple because I knew I would loose it, so if there are no evidences, no one can get facts out of me. Yeah, that would have saved me, but I hate to loose. I wouldn't give up this power under any circumstances for ever.  
I must have thought on that I would help catching the new Kira. And during his capture or questioning I would somehow accidently acquiring my power back. If I relinquish this power I loose my memory. If I acquire my power back, could it be I get my memory about this power and anything related to it back? It can be. It sounds logical. But I'm not Kira, and I know I never was, but just in case I can't let Kira win. This means I have to avoid being with him and anything related to him, no matter what, to avoid either becoming a new Kira or turning back to Kira. Ryūzaki wants to be there while we are capturing him, and he won't let me stay here, if I gently ask. Telling him that I think I am or was the first Kira wouldn't even help either. If I would do that, he still would bring me there, because he thinks I can't do anything suspicious, while we're handcuffed together, and besides he said we share the same fate. What if I tell my reasoning while the others are there? Dad would react on that, but I'm sure, he would do that in a way, which is no use in this case. How can I make them leaving me here, even if they lock me again in a cell? If I'd tell him why I would like to stay here, he would be suspicious of me, saying that it was all along Kira's plan and he would take me with him just to oppose me or Kira. If I say let's go and look like I want really to go, wouldn't make any difference, he would take that as my enthusiasm, and again he thinks he is safe why we are handcuffed together.  
"Light! Why don't you sleep? You're thinking on something?" Ryūzaki said.  
How did he know? Oh! Right! My hands are in my hair. I do that unconsciously.  
"I have to drink a glass milk. Do you come with me?"  
"Do I have any other choice?"

We are on the way to the kitchen.  
"You know! Your night habits make me go crazy and you're the only Japanese, who I know, who drinks milk." Ryūzaki said.  
"If you were watching me closely at home, you should be already aware all of them. And what's wrong with drinking milk?"  
"Nothing but Japanese don't usually do that."  
How can I make him letting me stay? Damn it! If really I was Kira, I must have planed that carefully not leaving any holes to accidentally avoid my memory and power to return. Damn it!  
May be I can use Dad, if I do it in the right way, and panic. I'll say to him: 'Dad! Do you really want to risk your son turning back into Kira? Please! You can't let Kira win, just because you don't want to believe I was once Kira! Do you?' That sounds good. I should make a panicked sad face with some tears in my eyes to seem more realistic.  
I should be careful tomorrow otherwise Ryūzaki might never release me. My timing has to be perfect; I must predict, when the others are about to go to Sakura TV. I must wait an unknown but perfectly fitting event, which makes me think, and that slightly before they are about to leave. If just I, Ryūzaki and Watari are here, they won't buy my show. I've drank that milk, now we can return. But wait! The handcuffs are holding me back.  
"Do you come, Ryūzaki?"  
"Just a moment, I gonna get a good night strawberry cake and I need a coffee."  
"If you wouldn't drink so much coffee, you could sleep."  
"No, I can't. And you should be aware of that, sometimes you can't sleep either."  
"Just when in deep thoughts."  
"May I ask you, Light? What kind of deep thoughts are you in whole day?"  
I must answer that quickly, otherwise he will suspect me. If I tell him now the truth I have screwed up all my plans for tomorrow.  
"I'm excited and curious about tomorrow's events. We'll finally know how does Kira kill."  
"That's weird, I thought you're thinking of 'what if'-s."  
"Yes, 'what if'-s like what if Kira escapes, or what if the first Kira returns."  
"You are the first Kira, so that's not an option."  
Again this! Can't you understand it hurts me much? And if that wouldn't be enough I begin to think this about myself, but how I'm thinking I can't say for sure that I am or was Kira. I just know I'm not that bad to kill innocent people. Even if Kira just killed a few compared to the violent criminals.  
"But don't worry, if you're Kira the world is safe because you can't do anything without me to notice."  
"Yeah! Those are holding supernatural powers back for sure."  
Yes, dear friend! That was irony. Now you're grandiose my dear friend. I've already done minor things without being noticed right under your nose. I can't fail, I won't fail! Now try to sleep.

On the next day.  
Today I wake up relative late. And I'm still tired. The last night was hell. I was too worried about what if I'm Kira, which made me sleep already bad, and then this damn vacuum-cleaner from Ryūzaki. So, let's see the scene again. I'm watching for an event which looks like a supernatural act, and I begin to think. 'So, this is how Kira kills. Have I read about that in the second Kira's messages? If so, if I come in touch with that thing or if the third Kira does something different to me, I can turn back.' And so on. I must wait till Dad or Ryūzaki announce they are gonna capture him. At this point I have to begin. 'Ryūzaki I shouldn't go there! What if I was Kira and I will turn back to be Kira again?' His answer would be most likely: Don't worry Light. I will be watching you and Kira, so you or Kira couldn't do anything. And since you're a suspect I can't let you alone in the building. Dad's reaction would be: 'Light, my son! Don't do this again! You've done that already once. It did hurt me very much then. I can't take it again.' Now sad panicked face, I must think on that when I thought Dad is really gonna kill me and himself, and imagine that this time he will. Thus resulting some tears in my eyes. And then: 'Dad! Do you really want to risk your own son turning back into Kira? Please! You can't let Kira win, just because you don't want to believe I was once Kira! Do you?' That should do the trick, may be I should cry at the end. No, I'm not that emotional, everyone would take that as an act, except of Dad. And Matsuda may be. If Aizawa would be here he might believe that too. But I can't tell Mogi's reaction. No matter what I do, Ryūzaki and Watari won't believe me. So, I need Dad, Matsuda and Mogi to support me. Watari may not say anything, but would obey Ryūzaki. So, it would seem like 1 against 4, but in the reality would be more like 2 against 3. Because I'm the suspect and the one who wants to stay here, that makes the four three, and since Watari shares Ryūzaki's opinion and obeys him, which makes the one two. May be I should explain a bit more why I want to stay. If I have good points there I will win Mogi on my side. Since Ryūzaki is stubborn and besides he suspects me and being the leader of the investigation, he has nothing in his hands. The others already dislike his arrogant style. He needs them to capture Kira, but I'm not so useful to him, since I limit his free movement. But what if that fails? I need a backup plan. How about threatening with suicide? It's too dramatical, and again that just works on Dad and the others. Damn! He might force me and anyone through this. No, he can't. If my reasoning is logical, and it actually is, he remains with Watari alone. Time to get up!  
"Ryūzaki! I would like to change if you don't mind."  
"OK. Pick up your clothes for today and after I searched through the clothes I will open the handcuffs."  
Unlike taking a shower he is carefully watching of my every movement, as if the cameras wouldn't be enough. At least I know he don't has anything dirty in his mind, since he is obsessed with himself like me, and besides I saw how he watches Misa. Just grab some underwear, my jeans and let's see. Today I'll take the white shirt with gray stripes. Or? No! That'll do fine for today. It's 11 o'clock. I should eat something light for breakfast just to hold out till 16 o'clock.  
"That's it. I will wear these today."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Then let's see."  
It takes a few minutes till Ryūzaki rummages every single centimeter of my jeans and my shirt, even my underwear is a possible hideout for him. He's paranoid.  
"OK! You're free to go." Ryūzaki takes off the handcuffs. Now time to change clothes. I put my pajama back in its place, of course just after Ryūzaki searched them for supernatural evidences. If that wouldn't be so annoying he would make me laugh. Oh! The handcuffs are back on my left hand. I have more than enough time to practice in my mind. The show starts at 19 o'clock. The show… Matsuda! Damn it! I've totally forgotten about that. I can't count on him. Then there are just I, Dad, Mogi and Watari, Ryūzaki. The likelihood Ryūzaki is willing to leave me here is lower. Damn! The plan can still work, but it's not so safe anymore. My reasoning must seem perfect and logical. I can't take any risks turning into Kira.  
"Light! May I ask on what were you exactly think after you awoke today?"  
My hands again! I must have had put my hands in my hair. I must get rid of this habit. Now what? May be if I prepare him in the right way even he might believe me. So, tell a part of the truth.  
"I'm nervous. I began to think about myself that I was once the first Kira, and that feels very bad."  
"So! Light does have a conscience. And he seems to accept the facts."  
"That's not all."  
"No?"  
"Nope! I'm afraid that…"  
"That?"  
"That… I can turn into Kira again. I can't let this happen." Nice job, Light! With this sad earnest voice he might believe me, and take naturally to panic at the right moment. And at least I'm really sad about that possibility, so I didn't even need to play too much on it.  
"I understand you, Light, but no need to be afraid of that. I'll be there too."  
"And can you please tell me how are you going to prevent a supernatural force to grab me? And these are not the answer!" While I said that I raised my left hand and shook it a bit showing the handcuffs.  
"Well, that's right! You have a good point there… I have to reconsider things."  
Was it this really so simple? Now after that I must myself rethink the show.  
There's no need to change anything about it. The reasoning will be simple; I'll tell them how I come to this conclusion. And during the surveillance of Higuchi during Matsuda's show I might pick up some "facts" which I can use in it.


	2. The capture

**The capture**

If I'm right it should be already half past five, but let's see my watch. Yes, I've just missed one minute, it's 5:31. Ryūzaki will start the action soon, after we've gone through the details again.  
"OK! It's time. Watari, call a meeting." Ryūzaki began.  
"Yes sir!" Watari replied.  
Now! I should go once more through this. Matsuda will go to Sakura TV at 18 o'clock, to do the last parts 40 minutes, meanwhile I have to speak with Namikawa, to do the favor and call Higuchi. The show will begin about 19:15. During that show we're going to witness how Kira kills. If I see something extra-ordinal, I will begin to think and look serious. And before L gives out the command to catch him while he is still in the building, I will do my show.  
"Sir! Mr. Yagami Sōichirō, Mr. Matsuda Tōta and Mr. Mogi Kanzō have just arrived in the building."  
"Thanks Watari!"  
Just one or two minutes left before we start. Dad entered first and Matsuda as last.  
"We're here Ryūzaki. Everything's gone according to the plan." Dad Reported.  
"I knew Sakura TV would be cooperative. I have to announce some changes in the plan."  
Some changes?  
"What kind of changes?" Matsuda asked.  
"Security changes. Matsuda, you go as planed to Sakura TV at 18:00, but Mr. Yagami is going with you, and stays there till the show starts, for further directions to Sakura TV. At 18:30 Mr. Mogi gets Miss Amane here. At 18:37 Light calls Namikawa in my name. At 19:00 Mr. Mogi is hiding on the management floor. After the show started Mr. Yagami comes here and joins Mr. Mogi. Anything understood?"  
Damn you Ryūzaki! You promised to reconsider things. You figured out what I was gonna do. I knew, every time I told somebody the truth I got just bigger trouble out of that. But don't worry! I already had this option in my mind: 'But what if Ryūzaki is willing to double cross me? If he figured out what I'm trying to do, he will send the audience away before I could do anything. In that case I'll have to do my show just before he has the chance to double cross, just after the 17:30's meeting. It won't be so effective, but that's the best thing I could do. Now look like just before: full of thoughts, with some sadness, and hope he won't spoil my show.' Of course he could have figured even this out and if I don't interrupt him, he will announce that I have something to say.  
"What is with you Light? If something this important happens you're very excited. But now you look very worried." Dad interrupted Ryūzaki's speech.  
Thanks Dad! Without your remark, it would be harder. Now reply fast otherwise Ryūzaki will stop it!  
"Dad! Ryūzaki! Mr. Mogi and Matsuda! I'm not well since yesterday. I'm afraid from what I'm gonna say, but I can't take any risks."  
"What's wrong son?" Dad worried.  
"I have supposed some things and with the deductions of them I've come to a conclusion, which makes sense. I'm afraid, I was… I was…" Now some tears and look deep down. If I loose I'm death. "… the first Kira." The reactions speak for them selves.  
"But Light? How? Why?" Asked Matsuda.  
"That's impossible! You just can't be!" Said Mogi.  
"No! Light, my son, please I can't take that once more. I can't believe my son is a serial killer." Exactly as predicted Dad's reaction.  
Ryūzaki said nothing. I was right, he was gonna announce this. Now he realized he will loose this one. Now the reasoning, but keep the sad tone.  
"There are facts which are mystery. Like how did Misa find me, while she was looking for Kira. And although she can't remember how she found out my name and how she was hopping to find Kira, I'm pretty sure she must have been the second Kira. The first Kira needed a face and a name, the second Kira needed just a face. Knowing that their way to kill must be the same, this sounds like nonsense. But if we suppose the second Kira needs also to know someone's name… We must notice here the second Kira said something about "eyes" in her message. I come to the conclusion she can figure out someone's name just by looking at him. Now we're back to the question: how did she found me. I was with some "friends" and Matsuda at Aoyoma. She said she saw me there and as she saw me she's fallen in love with me. But she didn't remember how she found out my name. This will bring us to the second problem. But if we suppose she really was the second Kira, she could have figured out my name just by looking at me, and in that case she was looking for the first Kira. Now back to the second problem: the "memory holes". If she was the second Kira, how can't she remember? I have to notice, that we have physical evidences she was the second Kira, and she fits even the profile. And this leads towards to me. I can't remember on being Kira either. Yesterday I asked Ryūzaki if I fit the first Kira's profile. He asked some very personal questions about my girlfriends in the near past, which I refused to answer, but made me think about why I was out with girls who don't meet my standards. I had no answer and even those dates were somewhat fuzzy. I found a "memory hole" in my head, and besides I had the feeling I did those on purpose, which I found very strange. If you remember when Ryūzaki was asking me to pretend to love Misa to get some information out of her, I refused. I said I can't do that, it's against my moral standards. Ryūzaki seemed to find this sentence weird, as if he wouldn't know the ordinary Yagami Light. Last time I didn't know this many, I volunteered to go in custody with less and simpler facts pointing at me. Now if we take those facts and these new ones it should be very evident that I must have been the first Kira. Further more, as I was in custody, my personality has dramatically changed after a week. Misa lost her memory after three days. The memory loss is about the power and anything related to it. Like how she found me. How she killed those people, how I might killed those people. My girlfriends must been cover ups for my power. Why has my personality changed and Misa's not? The answer is simple, my hasn't changed either. What I have lost are the memories about that power and everything related to it. Things like why I did things, why have I crossed my own standards and denied my own moral values. Why I thought I was right to do that. But how have I forgotten that? Let say being Kira means we have a supernatural power. And if we give up this power voluntarily we will lose our memory about it. The last time I've taken the custody must have been a trick. I must have known Misa is in Ryūzaki's hands, and if the situation turns serious she will release this power, resulting in memory loss, to protect herself and her love the first Kira. After a week I did the same thing. So, if I was Kira I forced myself and stopped being Kira. To come here we supposed if we relinquish this power we loose our memories. I've shown some facts to back up this theory. There is a real threat, if we suppose if we gain that power back we gain also our memory back. I know my personality very well. I'm a sure looser and I would never give up if I think I'm right. Then why have I given up? The answer is I haven't. Loose the battle, win the war. I must have known I would help catch the third Kira. If I'm present during the capture or during the third Kira's questioning I will probably sooner or later accidently get my power back. I made even traps for myself, not to be able to accidently avoid this from happening. Those traps are based on my enthusiasm, Ryūzaki's personality, how I can't believe from myself doing something like that and how I would want to change the world. But the only thing I didn't count properly: is myself. As I acquired that power, knowing when the first Kira started, I was depressed back than, so my decisions were not the clearest. It seems that this power given me a new aim creating a better world. If I would be the same way depressed or I weren't enthusiastic to capture Kira and being worry about the facts I might be Kira myself, it would have happened. And it still cans! Now it's up to Ryūzaki's actions."  
Huh! That was a good improvisation. I made it! They might be holding me here for longer, but if I was Kira, I know, I must have destroyed all the evidences before I've done this. If they have no evidences just what I presented facts here and since I won't remember anything they must let me go. No matter if I was really Kira or not I've defeated you Kira. Yeah! I've won!  
"But my son, that's unbelievable! I know you can't be Kira. Everything will go fine. We'll capture Kira and you're cleared. We need your help son to do this. Come on! I know you won't be Kira."  
"Yeah! Light! We know you aren't Kira. You're a too nice person to be Kira."  
"Yeah! Matsuda is right! My son! You're too good to be Kira!"  
Now the practiced part.  
"Dad! Do you really want to risk your own son turning back into Kira? Please! You can't let Kira win, just because you don't want to believe I was once Kira! Would you?"  
"But my son! No, you're right I can't take that risk."  
"Tell me, Light! What do you want? I can't let you here alone and we need your help." Ryūzaki finally replied.  
"I don't want to be Kira or even if there is just a slightly change that what I deducted is true. I can't take that risk. I want just to stay somewhere even locked away, if necessary, when you capture Kira. Till then I would like to help you. And even if I turn back into Kira you will have me in a secure place. And I want to do the phone call before Dad and Mogi leave."  
"I don't like the thought but if you don't mind being locked away than I can let prepare a cell for you. And after you did that phone call we lock you there up, with your hands handcuffed together behind your back."  
"Thanks for your understanding, Ryūzaki!"  
Now I will be safe. Even if Kira releases his power and gives it to someone else, I can't be that one. I hope Dad won't be that either. Although I know I can't be Kira, because I'm much better than he. And that is fact, Dad knows, Matsuda and Mogi knows and even Ryūzaki knows that. So, if I was hopefully wrong they will release me soon after they've captured Kira.

It's 18:25. Time to call Namikawa. Dad's still here, Ryūzaki seems to hold himself to our deal. OK. Then let's call.  
"Hallo! It's L. Just behave like last time."  
"_No need for that. We're here together already because of your latest mystery call._" He crammed the microphone, but I still could hear what he said. "_It's L."_  
The other might have said something but I can't hear them clearly.  
"Listen carefully. Tonight I'm gonna catch Kira."  
"_You mean Higuchi? We already suspect him."_  
"What?! How did you know?"  
"_Well it seems like one can even surprise the grate L."_  
"Is Namikawa really so smart?" Mogi asked.  
"No! He is just a smart corporate psychopath, but not enough smart to figure that out. Light's just messed up by jumping into his trap." Ryūzaki replied.  
"OK! Listen I'll leave you and the present five alone as promised, just make the other three who are aware of it not interfere, and I want a favor from you. You have to call Higuchi at 19:17 and make him watch the Sakura TV. Understood?"  
"_Yes. Anything else?"_  
"Yeah! I want secrecy about this case and Higuchi. If it won't be published, you shouldn't too."  
"_Don't worry we won't harm Yotsuba group's good name."_  
"Thanks! Be careful and we will hear us again if there's something important. Goodbye!"  
"_Goodbye!"_  
I've done here now let's see will Ryūzaki keep his word?  
"OK. You're finished here, Light! Thanks for your cooperation. Do you still want to go into your cell?"  
"Yes, Ryūzaki."  
"OK! Mr. Mogi, Mr. Yagami, would you, please put Light's hands in handcuffs and take him to his cell? Watari will show the way."  
Ryūzaki opened the handcuffs and soon my both hands were in a regular handcuff.  
"If you arrived please handcuff him behind his back. After that Mr. Yagami goes to the Sakura TV station as planed and Mr. Mogi brings Miss Amane here." Said Ryūzaki. "At least I can freely move now. Oh! And Light! I have let a monitor and a speaker installed ahead of your cell. I knew you want to know the progress, besides if you see something extra-ordinary please feel free to say it."  
"Don't worry. I'm still willing to help in what I can."  
"Thanks! Let's hope for you the bests, my friend."  
"Thanks!" While I said that we've just left the room and were on the way to the elevator.

"Light! I hope you're aware the risks what you're taking, my son." Said Dad in a serious voice.  
"Don't worry, Dad! If I'm wrong you will release me soon. If I'm right there won't be any evidences against me and in this way I can't be Kira again. I can't confess something I don't know. I won't remember of anything I've done. My and your name will be cleared. And I will hope and believe that I never was Kira."  
"So be it!" Mogi said.  
Watari was waiting in the elevator. We enter the elevator. He pressed -5th floor's button. The elevator was very fast, it just took about a minute to arrive.  
"Would the gentlemen please flow me!" He said after the elevator stopped and he steped forward to show us the way.  
There were many similar rooms. Most of them were the doors closed which we've gone away, but there is one with an open. I could see it clearly it has a cell. But we've gone away that too.  
"Now we're here." And we entered the room. Watari reached into his pocket for the keys. He's opening the cell. "This will be young Master Yagami's cell."  
Dad and Mogi are following me in. Mogi takes down from my right hand the handcuff.  
"Put your hands behind your back, please!" He said. I'm doing what he asked and he is now closing the handcuff back.  
"Good luck!" I wished.  
"After we've caught him we're going to visit you." Mogi said.  
"Good luck, my son! We'll be here soon." Dad wished.  
Mean while Watari was turning on the monitors and speaker system. I see Higuchi's car, his rooms and some rooms from this building. The Yotsuba groups meeting room. I hear what Ryūzaki is talking.  
"Then I will leave Master Light here." He left the room. But he didn't close the door.

After a few minutes passed, I see Mogi with Misa arriving into the monitor room.  
"_Why is my beloved Light locked in again?_" Misa asked.  
"_'Cause your precious Light asked for._" Ryūzaki answered. "_If Higuchi is calling you press him out."_  
"_Not a problem. Can he hear us?"_  
"_Yes and he can even answer."_  
"_Hi Light!"_  
"Hi Misa!"  
"_You seem not to be very happy there."_  
"Yes. That's because the thought makes me sad that I could be the first Kira, but at least I feel myself safe here, and I don't have to be worry getting my memories back."  
Misa's facial expression is telling me more than she could tell with words. She knows something what I don't. I surprised her with my action more than Dad. As if she tried to say I doubt this is according to your plan. If she knows I'm the first Kira, than the whole thing just doesn't make sense. No, she couldn't know anything for longtime. She even loves me more since she got evidence on Higuchi. As if someone in front of her told her that I'm Kira. Could I have seen Higuchi before? No. I just can't be Kira. I know that. He's rotten, but I'm innocent. According to Misa's reaction at least I'm glad I've chosen this solution, but this makes me also sad. No need to be sad I can't be Kira.

I can't see my watch, but Matsuda's show must start soon. One of the monitors in front of me changed suddenly to Sakura TV. So, Ryūzaki has a direct control on what I can see or hear. Some commercials are still running. Ryūzaki has just finished eating his God knows which numbered candy for today. Now comes a lollypop. There must be lots of time left till the show starts.  
"_Sorry Light! I know you hate commercials. They should have started for three minutes. Nakamiwa is watching Sakura TV. He didn't call Higuchi yet._" Ryūzaki said. "_Oh! The show begins now!"_  
"_Now on Sakura TV! Live! An exclusive report on who is Kira. A fascinating exploratory interview with someone who claims to know Kira's deepest secrets."_  
I hate these sensation seeking wastes. I would have never watched dirt channels like Sakura TV, if they didn't reported so much on Kira.  
"_I'm glad you're here!_" The reporter began.  
Yeah! Since, he raises your ratings up to the sky.  
"_You must be very brave!_" He continued.  
In this moment Namikawa talks with Higuchi.  
"..." Namikawa said someting what I wasn't able to hear. Probably 'Are you watching sakura TV now?'  
"_No!_" Higuchi replied.  
"..." Again and most likelly 'Then turn on. Somebody is giving an interview about Kira.'  
"_What! Could it be he?_" Higuchi said while he turned on the TV. "_Thanks!_" And hang up his phone.  
"Higuchi has eaten the bait!"  
"_Of course he has! He has a bad self-control and he is impulsive and willing to panic in situations like this._" Ryūzaki replied.  
Higuchi is watching the show. Matsuda continues with some nonsense filaments as planed, which keeps the audience and especially Higuchi. He seems to be very nervous. After the commercial in the second part we will reveal Matsuda's identity. Oh my God, is this boring!

Finally some commercials! I've never thought I would be ever so glad to see a commercial. Knowing that we only knew a few facts on Kira and those can be reviewed in five minutes with the slowest reporter in human history. It is unbelievable boring that Matsuda didn't even talked from Kira needing a face and a name. All he did was he talked a lot about being on the track on him. If it wouldn't bother Higuchi so much he would be fallen asleep already. Even Ryūzaki drank more coffee than usual. What is he doing now? Why he doesn't use his hands to pare that banana? Oh! It's Misa's commercial. Ryūzaki can't deny it he is attracted to Misa. If you want her Ryūzaki I won't stay in your way. End of the commercial! So, finally the action will start.  
"_As I said before you must be very brave to talk about all these. Aren't you afraid of Kira will kill you?"_  
"_Well he can't. He needs a name and a face. I've met him personally but he doesn't know who I am."_  
"_There were lots of theories how does he kills. Then that's it?"_  
"_Yes. I could tell you who he is now, but I won't spoil the show."_  
Now Matsuda reveals himself. This was at least realistic he's usually that clumsy.  
And the effect from this maneuver was immediately.  
"_What, it's him? I thought he is death. He was enough smart to fake his death. Do you think he has destroyed already any evidences of his name? I'm calling Misa. She must know how her manager was called._" The panic was clearly hearable in Higuchi's voice. But who did he ask?  
Misa's phone is rigging.  
"_She pressed out! What's this supposed to mean? I'll call her new manager."_  
Now Mogi's phone is rigging. He picks it up.  
"_Hallo!"_  
"_Hallo!_ _I'm Higuchi Kyōsuke. Would like to speak with Miss Amane, but she won't pick up her phone."_  
"_She won't, she is on a weekend's tour. She wants to relax. But what is so important that can't wait for tomorrow?"_  
"_For some paper work it would be absolute necessary to know her pervious manager's name."_  
"_I don't remember his name exactly. Matsui something or something Motsui?"_  
"_Damn it! How is that no one knows his name?"_  
"_Relax! I'll give you our agency's director's phone number he must know it."_  
"_OK! Thanks!"_  
"_So, his number is: +81-12-0-34-50-67-34. Got it?"_  
"_Yes. +8112034506734. Thanks! Goodbye!"_  
"_Goodbye!"_  
If I'm right that must be Ryūzaki's other phone's number. Oh! He is calling him immediately.  
"_Hallo!_" Ryūzaki picked up the phone.  
"_Hallo! I'm Higuchi Kyōsuke. Sorry to disturb you at late night on Saturday, but we have serious problems with some papers here in Yotsuba group. We need Miss Amane Misa's previous manager's name."_  
"_Is it so important, we don't work on Saturdays nor on Sundays. Can't it wait till Monday?"_  
"_No, it's very important we're already too late. Can't you just tell me?"_  
"_I would have already if I could."_  
"_You mean you can't remember the people's names you hired?"_  
"_Do you know how many people have I to deal with? But if it's so important to you I can give you the code for the door in our building. You can come here and see for yourself. The Management is on the 14__th__ floor and you're looking for room 1402. Do you know where we are?"_  
"_Yes."_  
"_Good. The access code is 5-3-7-1-2-6-9-7."_  
"_Thanks! I've got it. Goodbye!"_  
"_Goodbye!"_  
He immediately left his home and entered his car. He turned on the TV to watch Matsuda. He is underway here.  
"_Don't you think something is fishy around? I mean companies normally don't gives out their security codes. If something happens, someone breaks into the building anybody would know I had the security code. Why would they take such a security risk?"_  
"_You are right, it is worth one try. I have nothing to loose."_ He _c_ontinued.  
"Is he talking to himself? Now who is he calling?"  
"_Misa, may be?_" Answered Ryūzaki.  
Misa's other phone begins to ring.  
"_Yup!_" Jumped up Misa, as her proper action were the most important now and pressed out her phone again.  
"_Grrr! After I killed him I will have to kill Misa, her Manager and the director of Yoshida productions. They know I've asked them for his name."_  
"What?! Is he going to kill Misa now?" I jumped up in surprise and almost fallen on my nose. I shouldn't jump with my hands handcuffed behind my back. "How rotten is this man?"  
"_Relax Light! He said doing that after killing Matsuda._" Ryūzaki tried to calm me down.  
"_You're right Rem. I have to kill them using accidents and make them erase their call records before."  
_"There is no way he talks to himself. But then who is he talking to? There is no other phone or radio. Who is this Rem?"  
"_A Shinigami… perhaps._" Replied Ryūzaki in a calm voice.  
That's nonsense. Something like a Shinigami does not exist.  
"Do you mean Kira's power comes really from another world?"  
"_May be."_  
"_No! That won't help me either. Giving up the note to loose my memory about and get rid of the evidences wouldn't help. If someone framed me before the public would mean my life is ruined. I won't be promoted and I might even loose my job."_  
This sentence: 'Giving up the note to loose my memory about…' it's almost what I deducted. Would it mean his power comes from a note? And would this mean I was Kira? No! I just can't be. I wish I haven't heard this one!

He's just arrived the building. He is now entering the building. Dad and Mogi are waiting for him on the 14th floor. His briefcase is by him. And… he's on the right floor, now go left. OK. He did it. Now all he has to do is find Matsuda's fake file. We've left it to be easily found. What is he doing? He's searching in the client files. Is he looking for Misa's file? Bingo! He found Matsuda's alias. Now let's see how do you kill, third Kira? He opens the briefcase and all he gets out a pen and a black note?  
'Giving up the **note** to loose my memory about…', 'Giving up the **note**…'? Could it be really just a note? Not! That's just absurd. Now he's just opened that black note and he is writing down Matsuda's "name". After he finished it he seems to be calm again. He rushed here from the other end of Tōkyō, he virtually ran in the building, and now he is just slowly walking as he has done everything?  
"_Ryūzaki! Shall we arrest him now?_" Dad asked.  
"_No! We still don't know how he kills._" Sounded the reply.  
It took more than three minutes to get back to his car.  
"_Shit! He's still alive._" He yelled.  
"What? Has he already "killed" Matsuda? Was it everything he had to do to write down his name?"As I asked that, I began to think about that sentence. If it's really that book, than I might have to avoid getting in touch with that.  
"_I don't know."_  
He seems to be more panicked than before. What is he thinking now?  
"_Rem! Quick! Let us make the deal!"_  
The "deal"? What kind of "deal"?  
"He started, he's on the way to Sakura TV station."  
"_No! He takes another path!_" Ryūzaki panicked. "_Misa, excuse me what I'm gonna do but I can't allow you to do anything. Light are you sure you won't join us? Won't you fly in a helicopter?"_  
"No! Thanks! I'm fine here." No way! I don't want to risk this Kira thing.  
Ryūzaki has just grabbed some chains and handcuffs out under the counter and he has chained Misa to that computer seat she was sitting on.  
"_That's mean Ryūzaki but Misa-Misa will be at least with her Lighty-Mighty."_ After that he has left the room.  
Lighty-Mighty? Uh! My good Lord! Is she thinking that talking in third person from herself and these nicknames, she comes up, she looks cuter?  
"Misa, please, don't say that to me again!"  
"_But why?"_  
"Just because it sounds so dumb!"  
"_OK. I'm now taking solidarity with you. You're locked up somewhere and I'm chained here. So, we share the fate."_  
"Yeah!"  
"_I've began to see the bright side of this situation. Remember how long we wanted an ordinary date just we two together?"_  
"Oh! Yes!" Well, actually not. This love is one sided. Don't get me wrong! I like girls and you're a nice girl, but you're silly and annoying. My girlfriend has to be almost as intelligent and clever as I am. Shouldn't drink or smoke. Must be anti-alcoholic like me. She has to be kind hearted as I am. Should be having interest shared with me. One day I have to tell this to Misa.  
"_Now we have it. We're alone in the whole building. No one will watch us."_  
"Just after they returned and watched the security records." I Interrupted her.  
"_Light! Stop smiling when I'm talking about serious romantic stuff!"_  
Serious romantic stuff isn't that an oxymoron?  
"OK. Sorry! I couldn't let this out."  
"_Now where was I. Oh! Yes! We're alone in the whole building. No one is watching. Just Light and Misa together on a romantic video date._"  
Yeah! In a high security prison with handcuffs, chains, cells, bugs and security night vision cameras. It's just full of romance. Misa mighty be annoying but at least I'm not thinking on I might be Kira.  
"You were so surprised about I asked for being locked in a cell."  
"_Yes, I didn't know that Light is so afraid of being Kira."_  
"Do you remember how I behaved before they locked me up for the first time?"  
"_Of course! You were so nice. You said you can pretend to be my boyfriend. I hoped with the time you would really fall in love with me. And I was right you have started to feel for me."_  
'I can pretend to be your boyfriend…' have I said really that? What was wrong with me?  
"Do you remember what did you say before?"  
"_Yes! I said I don't mind being used by you. All I want… Sorry I can't remember on exactly what followed this sentence."_  
What? Another "memory hole"? What if I was Kira? No, that just can't be. May be I was controlled by him. At least I shall hope that.  
"_You were too fast!_" The voice came from Higuchi's car.  
Oh, something is happening.  
"_I know, officer."_  
"_License and identity card please."_  
"_I'm sure this will solve the problem._" Higuchi said after he looked out the car, I suppose, he looked in the officer's face. He is now doing something in his briefcase.  
He stepped on the acceleration pedal. What was he doing, did he killed that officer? Damn! How I would like to hear now the others! If he killed him then he must have the second Kira's capabilities. The "deal", "eyes"… could it be really that? I did never believed in supernatural.  
"_Damn it!_" Higuchi said, stepped on the break and turned the wheel. He must have broken some thing judging from that crash sound.  
"_Fuck!_" And Higuchi stopped his car.  
He isn't doing anything now. He's waiting. He grabs something out of his briefcase. A gun and he points on his had with it.  
"_I will kill myself if you don't let me go away!_" Demanded he, but some one has just shot the gun out of his hand. He's now so angry he can't say anything.  
"_Come out and lay your hand on the car!_" Higuchi exited his car.  
Damn! How I'd like to see it!  
It's Dad. He goes into Higuchi's car and grabs his briefcase out.  
"_Aaaah! A monster!_" Dad must be scared from something.  
"_Where? Whaa! I see it too!_" Who's voice is that? Aizawa? I thought he exited a month ago.  
I'd like to know what's happening. At least just few minutes and I'll be released and I will know everything what happened there.  
"_It seems they've got Higuchi."_  
"Yeah!"  
"_Hey! Light, wanna sleep with me in the upcoming days?"_  
"What? I thought you were just kidding last time… No! Sorry, not before marriage. It's my principle."  
"_I've never thought Light is such a conservative."_  
"Yes, I am! And I'm proud of it!"  
"_OK! Well, Misa-Misa doesn't mind a moralist boyfriend. Especially if he plans to marry her one day."_  
Mogi said they are going to visit me after they caught Higuchi. They could be here at any moment.

They've just arrived! I can see them on the outside camera. And yes! They've got Higuchi with them. Higuchi's eyes are covered. So, he really must have the second Kira's capabilities. Just few minutes more and I'm free.  
I hear foot steps. They're coming to set me free and tell me the news. They've stopped somewhere. And now they are going back? They must have brought Higuchi in the other room I saw when they took me here. It was prepared for him. They will come back for me. Just don't worry!  
"Hey! I'm here! You promised me, Dad!" It doesn't matters they can't hear me. Why have they forgotten about me? They might not. I told them to keep me locked during Higuchi's interrogation. But they could have visited me.  
I hear them again but this time it comes from the sound system.  
"_Hi! Nice catch! Although I have just seen some parts._" Misa began.  
"_Thanks._" Ryūzaki said._  
_"_Hey! Why is Light in a cell under surveillance?_" Aizawa asked.  
"_He was afraid that he can be Kira again if he comes in touch with Higuchi or anything related to him._" Mogi replied.  
"_Who shot the revolver out of Higuchi's hands?_" Misa asked.  
"_Watari did."_  
"_Nice shoot!"_  
Damn! I can't see them just Misa. Now Ryūzaki comes to free Misa from the chains.  
"_Mr. Mogi, please, take Miss Amane back to his apartment."_  
"_Yes."_  
"_Oh! Mr. Yagami you should be proud of your son. He's such a well behaved nice boy. His moral is one of the cleanest, and he's the most honest man, I've ever met."_  
"_Oh! Well…_" Is that what you can say only? Some one's just praised me up to high skies in front of you and that's all you can say? Have you ever been proud of me Dad? I guess I should have got used to this already. No matter what ever I achieve or what ever I do you never say anything to me, as it would be natural for a teenager to be in these times so well behaved, honest and so intelligent. You make me always disappointed as if I'm still not good enough.  
"_Now let's see what we've got!_" Said Ryūzaki.  
"_De-a-thu No-te. Death Note. There are rules on it!_" Began Matsuda. "_It's in English. The human whose name is written into this note shall die. This does not take effects until the user has his or her face in his or her mind while he or she writes the name down. Thus, people sharing the same name won't be affected. If the cause of the death is not specified, after the user has written the name, in the next 40 seconds the human, whose name is written in, will die simply from a heart attack. If the cause of death is specified the user has another 6 minutes 40 seconds to specify the details of the death. The details of the death can just take effect in the upcoming 23 days before the victim dies. The note will accept any kind of ink including blood and grime. After the first use in the upcoming 39 days the user will be visited by the Shinigami whom this note used to belong. This note can just operate in 23 days in a month."  
_Then it was really that notebook. So, it's as I deducted it's too simple to kill with and to kill with something else than a heart attack is simple too. Then I can't become in touch with that note.  
"_Hey on the other side are just more rules!_" Matsuda continued. "_The owner of the note will die if he doesn't kills in 13 days again. Every human, who ever touched this note, will die if this note is destroyed."  
_If he doesn't kill in 13 days he will die? This means I'm not Kira! A huge stone's just fallen down from my heart. I knew it I can be Kira. I'm a much better person than he could ever be.  
"_This has just cleared Light and Misa. They were under surveillance for over 53 days. If they would have been Kira they would have died long ago._" Matsuda enthused.  
"_Not so rush!_" Ryūzaki said.  
"_But Ryūzaki! This is the evidence on their innocents!_" The others said.  
"_I know. But let's see if Higuchi dies in 13 days."_  
"What?! You'll let me here for 13 days?" Now I'm mad at you! First you didn't want to lock me in and now you refuse to let me go.  
"_Moment! There's a piece missing! Rem has every Death Note the same rules?"_  
"_Would it kill someone if I would write on a piece?"_  
"_I see!"_  
"_Ryūzaki! You heard it! I demand you to let Light out of his cell!_" Dad demanded.  
"_I have to think."_  
"_There's nothing to think about! He's innocent and Misa too. And you were the one who didn't want to let him stay here."  
_"_I know! But let's see! We will search through all his belongings for the missing piece just in case. We start by Higuchi asking first. If he doesn't know about, then we first search Light's clothes in his wardrobe, because I searched even his underwear through today and it's less likely to be there. If we haven't found anything we will search for it on him. Come with me Mr. Yagami! The others shall keep watching Higuchi. Oh! And just in case I have to do this for security reasons."  
_He's turned just off the monitors and speakers in this room._  
_Why can't he trust me? I'm not Kira it's proofed. He won't find that piece of paper by me.  
I hear foot steps. They must come to Higuchi to ask him. If he's willing to be cooperative they'll come for me and let me out. Uh! That was fast and they are now going away. This means I have to wait an hour.

What? They are coming back? They were so fast! It can't be more than ten minutes passed since. Are they going back to Higuchi? No. I hear them coming closer. Dad entered first!  
"Sorry for this son, but we must take off your clothes, your underwear included."  
"But it was already searched for today."  
"I can't let any chance I missed something. I wasn't looking for a piece of paper."  
Ryūzaki opened the handcuffs and I began to take off every clothes. Now they are taking it out and leaving me here.  
"OK you can have your underwear back." Said Ryūzaki and gave me my underpants back.  
I immediately have begun to take it on.  
"OK! We haven't found in your jeans nor in your undershirt nor in your shirt. I give you them back. Have we missed something?" Said Ryūzaki while he is still looking at me. "Your watch!"  
I take my watch off and give it to him. After that he must be sure I just can't be Kira and he has to release me.  
"Let's see. Where could it be hidden?"  
"There's something written with rōmaji characters on the back side but its neither Japanese nor English." Dad said.  
"Oh! It's in German! 'Um die Decke zu öffnen must man den Einsteller-Knopf zweimal nacheinander bis zum anhalt rausziehen und von sich selbst zurück lassen. ' It must been a Swiss watch! It sais: 'To open the deck one have to pull out twice till it stops the setter button and let it go back by itself. ' Then let's see."  
I thing my heart is in my throat. It's the everything deciding moment. I'm Kira or not. I mustn't be Kira. Ryūzaki has just pulled second time the button out and the deck jumped out on the side of the button.  
No! There is a piece of paper and a nail!  
"It's the missing part."  
As Ryūzaki said that I felt suddenly my heart stopped beating. Now everything is fuzzy. At least my heart beats again. But the realization and the surprise has still effect on me. I can't stand more on my lags; I'm falling down to sit on the floor. Dad seems to feel almost the same. He's not well either. What am I talking? He needs to hold himself on the wall. I was him. I'm a nothing, a nobody, a serial killer. I'm… I'm rotten. I broke into parts at that moment I saw those things in it. I still can't believe, but there's no more question about. I think I will begin to cry. Ryūzaki and Dad have just left me alone. How could have I done those things? What are they going to do with me? It doesn't matters. I… I lost against myself. It's proven then I'm not better than I supposed to have killed. What a bastard am I?

* * *

I have translated the Japanese name and title postfixes, for example: [Somebody's name]-san = Mr./Mrs./Miss [Somebody's name], -sama = Lord, -kun = (young) Master (not that kind of Master as Master in something), chan = same as Miss, but has a nickname like effect.  
The phone number is random and probably not even a valid one, but the +81 prefix is really Japans international phone code.  
I will use the original form and name of Tōkyō instead of Tokyo.  
Remember it is Matsuda's free translation from English to Japanese.


	3. The healing

**The healing**

They've leaved me in my cell. I'm sitting on the floor and I'm crying inside. I can't look up to myself anymore. If somebody would see me he would think how pitiful I am. Since they've leaved me I couldn't do anything besides looking down and sitting in my black underpants. The only thing I've done was to pull my black undershirt on. I even can't bring my hair in order. I'm lost! My future is ruined and I was the one who ruined it in every meanings. I shouldn't have ever picked up that damn note. And how could I even consider to kill? If they find my fingerprint inside the watch or on that piece, I will be executed or imprisoned. Dad! What will he do with me? Will he kill me? It's very likely. He was never proud of me, and now he is shaming on me. I'm really a shame. I shame myself. How could I do that? Mom and Sayu they were so proud of me and now I make them shame. If I will be imprisoned no one will ever visit me. I'm alone. I always was alone! Everything I did was just to lie myself how popular I am. The truth is I was just popular because I was smart and I helped them. I was the pride of my class. No, not just of my class, of the whole school. I never got in trouble. And now this? I thought I was always kind hearted, and now? I'm a cruel reckless serial killer with that heart. They gonna punish me. I deserve to be punished.  
Suddenly Ryūzaki has entered.  
"Sorry! We've left the keys in the lock. Why didn't you escape, Light?"  
"Because I haven't even thought on it."  
"You can have your clothes on."  
I didn't answer just continued to look down.  
"You seem not be well."  
"What do you think how I feel myself? If you would have known me, you should have known that the thought of being Kira did hurt me very much. Now imagine how it hurts if you know you are really him."  
"I've never known that I hurt you with that. I thought those were Kira's actions, just an act. Sorry I hurt you."  
"How is Dad?"  
"He's not well either. He's very disappointed and angry."  
"No wonder… Ryūzaki, what will happen with me?"  
"Don't know exactly. We haven't decided about yet. We will need more information about Kira and about the Death Note."  
"I understand." I look even more deeper down to the floor after I heard that.  
"Light, if you can please sit on your bed! Otherwise you may catch cold."  
"It doesn't matter. Ryūzaki, don't you want to handcuff me again behind of my back?"  
"I see no need for it. If you didn't escape yet it won't be necessary. I'll be back soon with your Father. I would dress up."  
"It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore!" I cried up.  
"Light! After we finished this we have to talk about this."  
He's left me again. I'm alone as I always was. In my past few years I closed up myself in my room for studying. But most of the time I was just bored, although I didn't want to do anything. Mom came sometimes to ask if I need something or to bring me something. Sayu came to visit me mostly to help her in different subjects, mostly in math. The same with my classmates. Have they ever loved me, or I was just something to be proud of? Dad loved me even if he never told, but he wasn't ever proud of me. Did I care about them or I cared about them because they paid attention to me, what Mom and Dad couldn't? Mom was doing that but I excluded her and Dad couldn't cause he never was at home. I always wanted to be famous and I wanted that the criminals fear my name. But I never wanted to be famous as the biggest serial killer in history. What was wrong with me?  
He said they need more information on Kira and on the Death Note. Do they think I can give it? I don't remember anything.  
No! Ryūzaki will come back soon with Dad. With my angry Dad. Last time he was enough angry to wanting to kill me if I was Kira. Now I'm Kira.  
They're going to torture me for informations! Now Ryūzaki and Dad are entering.  
"I'll turn off the camera and the microphone. After that we have to handcuff him behind his back." Said Ryūzaki.  
Dad has something in his hands. No! It's a book, a damn thick black book with hard cover.  
"Dad, what are you going to do with me?" I did ask that in a very desperate tone.  
"We're going to refresh your memory." As I heard these words from Dad I've begun to panic.  
Will Ryūzaki hold me still while Dad is beating me with that book or will Dad hold me still while Ryūzaki beats me? Or will they do that in shifts?  
"No, please, don't beat me with that! I know I would deserve it, but I can't remember anything! Please Dad, don't beat me with that!"  
"OK! I've turned off the camera and the microphone. Now Mr. Yagami please lay that on the table after that stay in the door of the cell after I entered. Don't let Light escape while I handcuff him."  
"No! Please, I don't remember anything. Don't beat me with this book!"  
"What are you talking about, Light? This is the Death Note."  
What are you gonna do with this? I said if I was the first Kira I have to avoid being with him or anything related to him. They want me to become in touch with the Death Note. They want give me my memories back of being Kira. They want me to be Kira again to be able to proof and to send me to execution.  
"No!"  
Ryūzaki entered in my cell. I jumped up pushed him and tried to escape. Dad is closing the door.  
"No! Dad! Let me go! I don't want to be Kira again!"  
In that moment I said that Ryūzaki has just grabbed my right hand and closed the handcuffs. I must escape this! Dad's just grabbed my other hand.  
"Dad! Please!" I began to cry. "No! Dad!"  
Ryūzaki has closed my left hand in the handcuffs too. Now what? I can't move freely they defeated me. No! I still can run and push my father if necessary.  
"Now Mr. Yagami please take over Light and hold him still."  
Ryūzaki grabbed me and hold me still, until Dad took over.  
"Do you hold him fast?"  
"Yes, I do."  
"Now I will make Light to hold this in his hands for a while." He said and now he's coming closer with the Death Note.  
Try to jump! I can't Dad holds me too fast bending over.  
"No! Please! Don't! Ryūzaki! No!"  
You can't make me holding it. I will drop it immediately. He's closing my hand on it.  
"!" What an idiot I am? Everything is clear now.  
The world is rotten. Just I can do it with the Death Note. This goal is worth every sacrifice including my own mind, soul and life. L, Raye Penber and the other FBI agents, Naomi Misora just wanted to stop me and save the criminals from justice. I'm justice and the god of the new world! If you're opposing that god who wants peace and a world where no one has to fear to be a victim then you're truly evil. Rem hates me but she likes Misa, I have to make her to do the favor and kill L and this time the others too. But what to do with Dad? If he doesn't directly oppose me I don't need to kill him.  
"Rem! Do you hear me? Rem!" Now I seemed to surprise Dad and he doesn't hold me so tight. Now jump!  
Success! I'm free! That damn Ryūzaki! He holds me back.  
"Quick! Out of the cell and close the door!" Ryūzaki ordered.  
"Damn you Ryūzaki! But I won't let the Death Note out of my hands."  
"Rem! Come and write names for me! Rem!" I yelled this.  
"It won't come!"  
"What?"  
"What do you think who told us about this? And we made a deal with it. We will let Miss Amane free."  
"Rem, you traitor! But no wonder she couldn't ever stand me! You made this, Ryūzaki!"  
"Yes! By the way you give me this back! Mr. Yagami, catch!"  
Ryūzaki got out the Death Note from my hands. Rem must have told them if I don't kill someone with it I won't regain my ownership over the Death Note and I'll lose my memory again. And she must have told them about I can regain it back just six times. They don't want to execute me. Instead they want to save that nobody looser Light who I once was before the Death Note.  
"Damn it! What do you think who you are Ryūzaki to fuck with me?"  
"Nice clean mouth as always, Light! We leave you now there." He said that while he was leaving the cell.  
"I am justice! I'm the god of my new world! Dad, you must understand this!"  
"Why would I understand this?" Dad yelled.  
"I just brought in practice what you taught me." I've never done this before but it's a try worth. Dad was very angry as he entered now as he saw me this way he must be close to explode. If I make him more angry he will loose his self-control and will try to hit me. To hit me he must enter the cell. He has the keys. If I'm enough fast I can escape grab the Death Note. Hide somewhere. Write down Matsuda's name making him to open these and permanently regaining my memory. Then kill the others, so that I have just to deal with Dad, L and Watari. Rem won't help me, but may be I can manipulate her to kill Watari and L. There might be no other way then… I might have to kill Dad. If I fail I have four more to go. "That ideal world of mine is every sacrifice worth. That's why I killed Lind L. Taylor and the FBI agents. They tried to stop me achieving this world. That's right your perfect son is Kira. And I'm also the god of the new world. Ask yourself is it right to stop me. The crime rates dropped dramatically, but that's not enough the world is still rotten. After a year the world begun to become a better place. This is every sacrifice worth, like I said, including myself. But who else can do it? Higuchi? He's rotten. He killed also for his own goals, and any criminals. Some of them the reformed ones or those who truly regret what they did or those who aren't violent perpetrators don't deserve to die. Just I can do it! This renders me to be just the ultimate sacrifice! My life is one of the most worthiest in the world! That's why I was planning to burn down my own room or our house to protect myself from someone would find the Death Note. I prepared even myself to kill down my own family if it would be necessary to protect me, the god, the creator of the new world!"  
"Shut up Light!" He yelled looking at me. He's face looks like very nervous.  
It's working he's coming closer. Just the final move and he will enter to hit me.  
"Dad! You can be now at least proud of me! No one would be willing to do such a big sacrifice."  
He enters the cell. Now or never! That damn Ryūzaki locked the door.  
"Aaah!" Dad slapped me in the left cheek with his right hands. I must have made him more angry than I planed. I have fallen on the floor from that hard hit, but I didn't loose my consciousness.  
"Light! You're a hypocrite and what you're talking about is nothing to be proud of it!" He yelled.  
OK! Next time. Damn Ryūzaki, he had to interfere. If he opens the door I can still do it!  
"Mr. Yagami, please come out while I'm holding Light fast." And he grabbed my handcuffs and pulled me to the bars.  
"Damn you! Hrraaah!" I'm snarling at you now. "Do you know, Dad? After I found that notebook I didn't believed in it. I killed that terrorist to save people! I was in shock and surprised it worked. To avoid coincidences I decided to try once more. I didn't have to wait longer in this rotten world. Two days later I was a witness of a rape. I killed him in a traffic accident before he could do anything with her. After that I had bad conscience for five days. I couldn't eat or sleep. I lost 4kgs. At the fifth day I looked like I won't make much longer. I was constantly asking myself who am I to judge people. But then I realized what I've got in my hands. I was wrong; I've always seen things like that. The world is rotten and someone has to do it. I've begun to use the Death Note to clean the world."

In the past minutes I didn't say anything. I must wait. If I wouldn't have to give up the ownership of my Death Note by giving back Ryūk and said to exchange their Death Notes to get Misa's Death Note. I buried that in the forest and told Ryūk to relinquish ownership of that Death Note if I say "get rid of it!" I would have one more chance. Next time I should base more on kee…  
Au! My left cheek! Dad hit me so hard, I lost my balance. What did I do to deserve this? I know I was Kira, but I was sitting here down. I can't look into nobodies face. I'm a shame.  
"Dad! Why did you hit me?"  
"Light!"  
"OK! It took 5 minutes since I've got the Death Note out of his hands."  
"What? I remember you made me hold that book. But I don't remember anything else besides Dad slapped me in face. What are you going to do with me?"  
"Healing you, Light! Saving you from being ever Kira again. You can regain your memory just temporally if you can't kill with it to take over the ownership. But the most important you can just gain your memory only six times back. So, to save you we give you seven times this note in your hands." Ryūzaki replied. "You know as I said you don't really fit into that profile, you're a better person, I lied. And now as I saw you how broken you are about that fact you were Kira. I thought till then, you might always been Kira, just you hide that very well. Now I know you are really a better person, and I'm willing to save Yagami Light. But considering how energetic and cunning you're as Kira. We need more handcuffs and something to make you quiet."  
"I understand. Do with me what you have to do."  
Better person, my ass! I'm rotten. I deserve to be severely punished. But it seems you don't want to send me to execution nor to prison. Even Dad seems to not willing to kill me, although he's very angry and not just with Kira, he's angry with me. I see that in how he looks at me.  
"Mr. Yagami! Please come with me to get the required tools."  
He's removing Dad just to not do anything with me while we would be alone. I slowly begin to fear Dad.

About five minutes must have passed since they've gone and now they're back now with long handcuffs. That must be what we had on for months. Dad has a clean tissue in his hands.  
Ryūzaki enters.  
"Sorry, we have to do this with you."  
He is opening the handcuff on my right hand and closes it to a bar. Then he closes the long handcuffs' one end to my right hand and the other end on a bar on the other side.  
"Never mind."  
Dad gives Ryūzaki the tissue and he is putting it in my mouth till it reaches my throat. I can't spit it out.  
"Now, the Death Note."  
He's putting it again in my hands, but this time I want to hold it.  
"Mmmmpffffffff!"  
This time I should base more on keeping the Death Note in my hands. Damn it! Ryūzaki has over seen my plan. They're going to force me back to that looser who I once was. And this time that looser doesn't seem wanting this power to clean up the world. Damn it! I have lost! I have lost against L. No, it's worse I've lost against myself. At least they're not going to kill me. Dad, Ryūzaki be proud of your work! You stopped the world to become a better place for everyone. Oh, and be happy with Light! And Light, I hope you will suffer for this! Three more times and this me is gone for ever. I've have to wait out that 5 minutes.

It must be almost passed…  
Did I do anything? I can't remember. That's good! Ryūzaki, it's time.  
"30 more seconds and I'll give this back in Light's hands."  
30 seconds? I have to wait a half minute? Ryūzaki, it's useless you can give it me now.  
Yeah! He's on the move. Now grab that!  
Two more times back to remember.

What is now? I lost my memories again. Now I have to wait about a minute.  
Yes, here comes the note.  
One more time and Kira is history.

Huh? What was that? Yes! Just another minute… and grab it!  
This is the last time. Ryūzaki and Light, my good hearted self, fuck yourselves! I'm history soon.

It must be it I can't remember being Kira. Then two more times back.  
Ryūzaki holds the book so I can touch it. My left cheek still hurts. I must have done something as Kira to get Dad so mad of me. Now what? I touched the note and I can't still remember to killed anybody. That was! I'm healed. Then this is the final proof I really was him. How could I do that?  
"It's strange this times Light doesn't seem to react, but 7 minutes has passed. He can't be Kira. The Kira version of Light stared angry in our eyes and was in rage while the ordinary Light was looking down sadly from the shame. And he's still looking down. May be he did that one more times. This means he must have relinquished the ownership of this note before he came in custody. That must have been a trick. This note was on the way to Higuchi. Misa must have had a note like this. Misa has given up ownership at the third day… Rem must have notified Light about and given him it. Light must have given it back… There must be another Shinigami… That Shinigami must have been Light's initial Shinigami. 'Introducing each other our Shinigamis…' I noticed Rem was searching for Misa's monitor, and it starred at her. It must felt something for her. I've seen that immediately so I made the deal with her saying…"  
"Mpmplypsiwsdfuvs?" 'Hey! Ryūzaki, do you want to leave me like this?' This was what I tried to say.  
"Oh, yes! We can let Light out now."  
"Phfuuy! This tastes awful. Thanks!"  
Ryūzaki opened the handcuffs.  
"Dad! I know you have had a good reason for slapping me that hard in the face. I don't know what I did. Sorry!" After I said that I began to cry.  
"Sorry? You will be sorry if I tell you what you said as Kira. At the beginning you was just like now. Tell me how could you ever thought things like that? And boys like you don't cry. Stop it!" Dad was yelling with me then Ryūzaki interrupted.  
"I understand your feelings Mr. Yagami, but I can't think in that noise you are making. I might need Light's reasoning and deductive skills now, please don't stress him more. If you can't keep it to yourself feel free to leave. You can shout with Light after we deducted if there is another Death Note or not and where can it be possible hidden."  
"Don't worry, Light! You'll get what you deserved." Dad treated me and left the room.  
He's shut the door with his whole force. Damn! Is he so angry?  
"So, where was I? Yes first question. Do you agree with the theory you gave up once more the Death Note?"  
"So. Let's see. How sure is that six times?"  
"It's pretty sure."  
"After the sixth time I touched the note nothing happened. So, if the sixth time is sure then. Yeah! I must have done that. Do Shinigamis exist?"  
"Yes! But I do understand if you don't believe it. I couldn't believe it either. Next question to you: does a second Death Note exist?"  
"If there was a second Kira, which we know it was, and this Kira had a Death Note, which is the source of his power, then the second Kira must have had one too. And the second Kira was Misa."  
"Now last question: where would you hide the other Death Note?"  
"I would hide somewhere nobody could find it. Some place what just I know. I wouldn't hide at home since I know that would be the first place others would search. May be my locker at the university? No! That would be searched too. May be at a friend who doesn't knows what is he hiding. But you were the only one person who I interacted with at that time. The so called "cover up girlfriends" I wouldn't want them to do anything with it. I wouldn't thrust them enough to hide something for me. Especially, when I was with two out at the same time. So, as usually I would trust in myself… Behind the former house of my grandparents is a small forest. I could have dug somewhere there."  
"Thanks Light! You were a great help as usual. Now dress up! You're free."  
I'm free? How could have I done killing people? Misa said I'm the most honest man, she's ever met, but in the reality I'm the most dishonest man in the world. Dad said I'll be sorry after he told me what I said as Kira. And he even told me that at the beginning I was just like now. I don't want to hear Dad. I don't want! I'm slowly dressing up. I've got on my jeans. Now my white shirt is left. Time to face Dad!

We've left the room, Dad has been waiting for us.  
"Son! How could you ever considerate to kill? You were back than just like now!"  
I don't know, Dad. I'm asking myself this since I began to suspect myself. I just can't talk to him. I'm a nobody. Worse, I am a killer. I can't look at anybody anymore. Everything I once was is now destroyed. I destroyed it. If someone is willing talking to me I should be glad.  
"Can't you answer?" Dad raised his right hand to slap me. Then he garbed my hands with his left hand. "No, this will suit you better."  
"Au!" Dad hit me on my butt instead. I virtually jumped from the pain.  
"You planed to kill your own family. Your mother, your sister and me, your father if necessary! As if we could be scarified to your purpose. You're heartless, my son!"  
"Au!" He hit me there again.  
We've approached the elevator.  
"Did you ever love us?" Asked Dad demanding and waited a few seconds for an answer before he hit me.  
"Au!"  
"Answer it!"  
"Aau! Yes of course."  
"Then how could you ever thought on that?" As he asked he began to shake me.  
We've entered the elevator.  
"Learn something son! There are things for which are not worthy to sacrifice anybody. Those are the dreams of an idealist like you."  
"Aoua!"  
"Have you understood?!"  
"Au! Yes, I have. Au!" As I replied I've got another hit from him. "Au!"  
Dad was raising his hand to hit me again then Ryūzaki stopped him.  
"Mr. Yagami besides this make you less angry to give out your rage on Light… it won't help him not to fall into the same mistakes again. If you're angry with him because he destroyed your pride you must know he feels the same way and he shames himself enough not having the bravery to speak to you. And actually besides us no one will ever know anything about this."  
"You're right, Ryūzaki! I won't hit him more."  
Thanks! It feels like already as if you would try to roast it on a slow fire. I'm wheezing from that pain.  
The elevator has stopped till then Dad didn't say anything, we're on the way to the monitor room.  
"What do you think how do I feel like myself after I know I raised a serial killer as my son?!"  
I don't know that, but it must hurt like how I feel myself actually being one.  
"And what a hypocrite are you? You wanted to be the god of your new world. Where did you get that? How could you ever thought that you're the only one how can judge others in the right way. Who do you think you are to punish others?"  
I really don't know, Dad. It's started somewhere at age of 13. I can't do anything against that. I've just begun back then to see clearly how rotten others are. And now, I began to see myself even more rotten as they are. I'm a nobody who thought he's the among those few who're above the common intellectual and moral sink.  
How could I ever do such things? Killing innocent people or even consider killing my own family if it's unavoidable. I always thought I'm better than anyone else, a better person. The most people I always saw as rotten. The world is rotten and I'm among those kind people who are suffering in this world without justice. How could I be so unjust? Dad's right with each of his words.  
"Don't be afraid, Light! If we enter this room you will see a Shinigami named Rem. Don't worry, it won't harm you. It told us how to save you from yourself." Ryūzaki said that before he was about to open the door.  
No matter; I shame myself too much to be afraid of anything.  
"Aaaah!" It looks like a living death crossed with a snake and a revenant. It is boney, has snake eyes, a face of a mummy and hair like a jellyfish.  
"How could you do these awful things, son?" Dad continued the yelling with me.  
"I really don't know, Dad." I replied while I was looking at the floor and silently crying inside. As we were underway here I saw myself in a mirror. My hair is a chaos, my left cheek is still red from that slap from Dad and I even don't know why I have got it. I look pathetic. I just don't have the motivation to bring myself in order.  
"I know that you've forgotten, but as you began the killings you haven't been twisted by that power. You were just like now. How could you ever even consider killing people? I know they were criminals, but we have our justice system not for nothing, my son! Most of the criminals you killed were already under punishment in prison, others have not been proofed to be guilty. Killing is a crime and a sin."  
"I know, Dad."  
"You knew that? Then why did you even think of it?!" Dad yelled and raised his right hand to slap me again, but he hold himself back and grabbed me instead.  
"Don't hide yourself behind your hair, my son! Look in my eyes while I am talking to you!" Dad began to shake me. "You were planning to kill Ryūzaki and everyone here including even me, your father with that piece of paper hidden in your watch. I know you don't remember and aren't Kira anymore, but still how could you ever thought on these?!"  
"Can't you answer?!"  
"No? Now put yourself together and go into your room! Pack some of your clothes and underwear in your suitcase! We're going home."  
"Auah!" That was so very hard that I almost fallen from that! As I started going in my room Dad hit my butt again. It did already hurt bad but really began to hurt after this one.  
I left the room but I can still hear them talking about me.  
"Poor Light!" Matsuda said. "I've told you they're gonna beat him with that book for confession after they turned off the camera and the microphone in Light's cell."  
"Matsuda!" Mogi and Aizawa cried at Matsuda.  
"That was the Death Note, the evidence. No one would use an evidence for that." Aizawa said.  
"It was required for Light to loose his memory of being Kira permanently." Ryūzaki said.  
"But then why have you turned off the sound and the camera? And why was Light so desperately crying not to beat him?"  
"There was nothing like that!" Ryūzaki replied. "We didn't want to have any evidences on tapes of Light being Kira. And he thought the same things as you, Matsuda."  
"If I wouldn't know he could loose his memories for good I could have killed him and then myself. But what he told us as Kira was so… I couldn't hold myself back slapping him in face while he still was Kira and I'm still furious. How could my son even considering to kill his own family if necessary. I shame myself so much because of him…"  
Dad is probably still talking but I'm now too far to hear.

I'm slowly moving to my room. I'm now entering. It's dark but I don't want to turn on the lights. I feel bad myself for things which I could think otherwise I haven't done. But I'm aware I did. I killed people. I understand Dad why is he so pissed of me. If I could I would harm myself, but I still want to survive I want to have a success in my life. I deep down still like myself, although I'm very disappointed. I was better than others, and now I proved myself I'm as rotten as those who I killed for being rotten. I just pack some clothes and underwear. I don't even care which. I should be thankful to everyone after they had an evidence against me they were willing to help me and now let me free. Ryūzaki did it, he convinced the others. He really holds me for his friend. I must thank him for what he did. I'm ready. It's time to go down and face Dad and the others again. I have never thought I could make Dad so angry to be physically violent with me. It will be a cold war at home, Mom and Sayu won't even understand why he is furious with me. We can't tell just simply Mom I was Kira. I'm about to enter the monitor room. I heard them talking before I went upstairs but they are quiet now. What does this silence mean?

"It was time! What take you so long? And haven't I told you to put yourself together?!" Dad began yelling with me again, grabbed me and started shaking me.  
I can't look at his eyes nor can I answer it. Even if I could I have no courage to say anything to him now.  
"Now let's go home. I told Mom we're going home to night." Dad said in his normal voice.  
The others are following us. We go to our car in the underground parking.  
"Ryūzaki! Thank you!" I said.  
"Not at all! I told you I hold you my first friend. Friends are there for each other in trouble."  
I will sit on the backseat. I don't want to see Dad's face. Ouch! Sitting hurts. I feel the exact structure of the tissue of my underpants and jeans.  
"Ryūzaki! I didn't know that Light had a difficult childhood like what I've seen today." Matsuda asked.  
"His childhood was different from the average but it wasn't like that what you've seen now. I will explain you once."  
Dad starts the car and we're on the way home. It's quiet. We're almost at home, when Dad begins.  
"I'm very angry with you, son. You made me shame for what you did or what you could do. I won't talk to you more than necessary. You're a shame for the name Yagami. I'm thinking to disinherit you."  
No! Please, don't do that with me, Dad! I'm already in pain because I was Kira. Don't hurt me more! I shame myself enough I can't look at your face. Or say something to you.  
"I have raised someone who can be ruthless serial killer."  
"We're arriving. Remember what I said. And if Mom or Sayu asks why I refuse to talk to you, you say that you committed something very bad and if there would be evidences you would be severely punished, but you're not allowed to tell exactly what. Understood, son?"  
"Yes, Dad."  
Mom seemed always to be interested more in the results of my test than in me. I wonder how would she react if she will be disappointed from her good hearted perfect son? I've already disappointed her from that image once as I was six I know how she reacted back then.

* * *

I know this might sound a bit too strange, since Light's almost 19 years old, but don't forget his father would have killed him really if he was Kira. That's also in the manga. Later I will explain why did he do that with Light.


	4. Depression

**Depression**

Mom and Sayu are waiting outside for us to arrive. Dad is parking the car in our garage.  
"Hi Light, my son! We've long time not seen you." Mom greeted me and opened her arms to hug me.  
"Hi big bro! How are you with Misa?" Sayu started.  
"Hi Mom! Hi Sayu!" I hugged them, but I didn't look in their eyes, and started going inside.  
"Dad, what is with Light?" Sayu asked.  
"It's a long story."  
I'm inside now. I have to bring my suitcase in my room and pack out my clothes.  
"Come! It's dinner." Mom said laud.  
"I'm not hungry, Mom." I don't want anybody to see me.  
"I made Tongu extra for you."  
"Thanks Mom! I'll be down. Just finish packing out my clothes." I can't hurt her feeling if she was so kind.

I've done here! Now I have to wash my hands and join them in kitchen.  
The others are already sitting around the table. I'm sitting down. Almost one hour has passed and I feel still somewhat my butt.  
"Then good appetite!" Mom said.  
"Thanks!"  
I'm just sitting at the table looking down silently. I'm watching Mom's mushrooms and occasionally taking one-one with the stick in my mouth.  
"Light, what's wrong with you?"  
"Nothing Mom, I'm just not hungry."  
"That's not true. You're just looking down. You don't even look at us. Usually you are always so talkative at the dinner and now you're quiet just like about a year ago and you don't have appetite just like then. Are you sad again? Is it Misa? Has she left you?"  
"No…"  
"And you look so out of order, my son. You're always so elegant, but now your hair looks like if you didn't brush it for a while."  
"Why is your left cheek red, big bro? Had you have a fight with someone?"  
"See? I've told you, son, to put yourself together. You could have spared this."  
"Dad, what's wrong with Light? You must know."  
"Well, there was never something between him and Misa. Except of they were caught as associates in a crime what about we're not allowed to speak. In the past few months they were kept in custody."  
"Light, is that right?" Mom asked.  
"Is that right, big bro?" Sayu asked almost the in the same moment as Mom.  
"Yes… Kind a…"  
"How could you do that?" Mom and Sayu broke out.  
"I… I… just really don't know. I can't remember…"  
"What? Were you on drugs?"  
"No!"  
"No, he wasn't. We know why he can't remember but we can't tell you. There was no evidence against him until today. Against Misa we have already had for months. If the evidence would be enough he would be in a very big trouble. He would be severely punished."  
"Son! Go now in your room!"  
"Yes, Mom!" I was standing up and about to leave.  
"No! Light, you stay here with us and eat! Take that as punishment if you want and after you took the shower you'll return to me. I'll give you from my sleeping pills and you will take in. Understood?"  
"Yes, Dad."  
"Sōichirō! Isn't that a bit to "harsh" punishment to him?"  
"Trust me I have my reasons to do this."  
I continue slowly and painfully to eat the dinner.

During the dinner it was quiet. I've just finished eating my second plate rice.  
"Dad, can I go now?"  
"Yes, you can."  
Now to my room!  
I'm taking down my clothes, put them where they belong and I'm going in underwear to the bathroom.  
Oh! I've left my pajama in my room.  
Now I've got it, then finally to the bathroom.

As I was on my way to the bathroom I heard Mom and Dad. They are talking about me. If I want to hear them without being spotted I have to walk very silent and carefully.  
"_So, what did Light exactly?"_  
"_I told you we are not allowed to speak about."_  
"_How is that he can't remember what he has committed?"_  
"_Trust me! He can't remember on it and he won't never been able to remember._"  
"_And did you hit him?"_  
"_Yes. I slapped him in face."_  
"_But Sōichirō!"_  
"_He made me very angry with that, he humiliated me so much. I slapped him once for what he said. I never thought our son can be so arrogant. But I did not just hit him once. I've lost my self-control. I wanted to humiliate him back. I wanted to slap him in face few times in front of others, but I figured out that would leave a mark which everybody could see and something else could be more humiliating for an 18 year old. So, instead I spanked him very hard and shouted with him in front of others."_  
Then all he wanted was to humiliate me with that, and he hit me in anger. I wonder how many I'd have gotten from him if Ryūzaki didn't stop him.  
"_But Sōichirō! As I did that once when he was six you were the one who told me not to do that ever again."_  
"_I know! I've never supported physical punishment until now. He has humiliated me and made me very angry. I'm still angry and nervous. I have to take in those pills too."_  
"_Why did you want him to eat with us and to take in from your pills?"  
_"_To not to kill himself. He would starve himself and wouldn't sleep anything till he'd die. That's why. He almost did that once a year ago. You remember on that, he doesn't."  
_So, as I started killing I had a bad conscience, but somehow over come it and continued the killings. Dad was right I was the same as now. I'm more worthless as I thought. I don't want to hear more, I go and take a shower.

After I entered the bathroom I took down my underwear and put it into the hamper. Now, the usual quick look in the mirror. I look pathetic. But I feel inside that way. Did Dad's hits leave a mark on me? Yes, I have a nice red hand shaped mark there. No wonder if I felt that by sitting. Dad's hits were actually pretty hard. I'm sitting in the bathtub after I set the temperature. I will just let the water flow on my body. It feels so good.

"Light! Would you please finish, others want to bath too and if it's possible still today." Sayu said. I've immediately cut the water.  
"OK! I will be finished soon. I just towel myself."  
Now dress up in pajama and report back to Dad.

I'm at the door of my parents bedroom, I'm knocking in.  
"Yes. Come in! What took you so long, son?"  
"Sorry! I'm just so lost after that…" While I said that Dad stood up and gave me a pill and a glass water.  
"Take in that in front of me."  
"Yes, Dad." You could have at least a bit more trust in me, Dad.  
I did what he asked. I'm now drinking the water.  
"Good! Good night, son!"  
"Good night!"  
I'm on the way to my room.

I'm finally in my own bed now. It's been a long time ago I slept in my own bed. It's almost a half year. I have to drink a glass milk. Dad's sleeping pills seems to take already effects on me, I'm suddenly so tired. I can't go out, I'm too tired for that but I have to. I must go and drink my glass milk…  
"Light! Go and take a bath!" Dad ordered.  
"Yes, Dad! I'm on the way."  
It's already morning? These sleeping pills can take one really off. Well, to the bathroom.  
Now I'm here again, it has been eight hours since. Oh! I have that mark still there. I thought if I wake up tomorrow it'll be gone. Dad must have hit me really very hard. I'm entering the shower. Nobody will now disturb me since no one else takes a shower in our family in the morning.  
"Light! Come out! You flood the entire house if you continue." This voice is so familiar but I don't know who it belongs to.  
"What?"  
I looked around and saw that the bathroom is in a more deeper water than the bathtub. I must have accidently plugged the sinkhole. I must get out the plug.  
See? Problem solved. The water is already running out of the bathroom and from the tub.  
Now back in my room. I pick just something on, who cares how I look like.  
"Didn't I tell you to put yourself together?"  
Dad grabbed me and raised his right hand.  
"No! Please Dad, don't hit me there again it's still not healed. Auh! Ah! Uh! Ah! Au!"  
"Now there is no Ryūzaki to stop me. – Dad said while he was hitting me."  
I'm sitting in the car or at least I try. I'm holding myself above the seat with my hands. Occasionally in sharp curves I fail that and I cry out in pain.  
"Where are we going?"  
"To our old castle."  
"We have a castle?"  
"Yes, the castle Yagami. It has been cursed in the 16th century. Since then it's dangerous to live there.  
I didn't know about this."  
"Do you know what the Yagami's use this castle for nowadays, son?"  
"No. I've absolutely no idea." What is he up to?  
"To dump our human waste there. What did you think where you would land as Kira?"  
"No! Please, beat me again if you want, but don't leave me there! I beg you."  
We've arrived the castle. It's an old 12th century European castle. We're going upstairs. Dad is holding my arms fast he doesn't want to give me a chance to escape. We've arrived to a closed door. Dad picks out a key from his pocket and opens the door. It's some kind of a dining room. It's very dark but I can see that there is a table surrounded by big old chair made of wood, the room has stonewalls not a single window and a big fire place which seems like it has been not used for long time. It must be very cold here on winter.  
"Now, into this room, son!"  
"No! Please!"  
Dad is pushing me into this room. He is now holding me only with one hand. With the other one he lights up a big candle  
"Sit on that chair, son!"  
"I can't, it hurts."  
"You will!"  
"Ouch!" Dad pushed me into the chair and grabbed a rope from the table.  
Dad is binding me to this chair. I can't sit from Dad's last spanking. He wants to leave me here in pain for God knows how long. What's that white in the corner? It looks like a skull. Oh, no! It's a human skull. Dad didn't lie about this dumping. He wants me to die here from thirst.  
"Now son! I'll see you in hell!"  
"No, Dad! You can't just leave me here! Please, have mercy!" I've started crying.  
Dad closed the door.  
"I'm just as merciful as you were as Kira. Don't worry! Soon you'll be in hell."  
There is a strange sound and a wind blow put out the flame of the candle. I'm looking around the room is still in dim. I've found where this light's coming from: a hidden door opened behind the fireplace. That must have caused that wind blow. Some disturbing noises are coming from there. I can see there are stairs up to a secret room. Something is coming. No!  
"Muaaahh! Rurlhihhi."  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Help! What was that?" I really don't wanna know!

Pyuh! That was just a dream. It's morning. Did I scream that out loud or just in my dream?  
"It was time! Dress up son and eat with me something! We must go to Ryūzaki." Dad said while he was sitting on my bed.  
Dad's just left my room. Now, time to get up and change. I will just grab an underpants and an undershirt. Ah! My jeans and shirt from yesterday will do perfectly. It doesn't matters anymore how I look like. After I dressed up, I'll go and wash my face at least, and after that I'll go to the kitchen to eat something, although I'm not hungry. I'll drink my glass milk, what I left out last night.

I after I entered the kitchen I saw Dad is sitting already at the table. Is he waiting for me? No, he just doesn't trust me to eat by myself. I'm looking in the fridge. Where is the milk?  
"Good morning, son!" Mom wished.  
"Good morning, Mom!" I replied slowly in cheerless voice.  
"I hear in your voice you're still sad. What are you looking for?"  
"For the milk."  
"We don't have any milk at home since you were the only one who drinks it and you were not at home for months."  
"Mom, aren't you angry with me?"  
"I don't know what to think… but you're my son and I love you."  
What? Did Mom say that? She did really care for me last night. I thought always she cared just for my good test results.  
"What's with you, son? Are you OK?"  
She cares about me!  
"Yes, Mom. You've just surprised me and…"  
"Are you crying, Light?"  
"No, I'm not… I'm just happy from that what you've just said."  
But would she if she knew I was the Kira named serial killer?  
"See, Sōichirō? I've told you he cares about what he did."  
"I didn't say he doesn't care just that he managed to overcome his feelings and done what he did."  
"How did you sleep, Light?" Mom asked.  
"I slept well but I had a horrible nightmare."  
"For someone like you, Light, my son, it's normal to have nightmares. Now close the fridge son and eat with me!"  
"Yes… Dad."  
How could have I planed to kill those who cares about me? Dad's right I am a shame for the name Yagami but will he disinherit me? I couldn't take that. No, he won't. If he would he had to tell that to Mom last night. Yack! Rice balls with seaweed. I hate seaweed. That's more for Sayu. I can't already eat because I'm nervous and feel bad for what I did, but to eat this when my stomach is already not well from my anxiety, just forget it Dad.  
"Don't look so at that plate, son! You have to eat everything out of it."  
"I can't eat."  
"Don't expect me to buy this. You were looking forward to drink an awful stuff like milk so you can eat yummy seaweed with rice." Why is everyone so concerned with that I like milk? "You have to eat that or I'm gonna bring you into a hospital, may be a mental hospital. That would better suit you."  
"Understood."  
This is gonna be the worst breakfast of my life.  
"Eat faster my son! It's already 7 o'clock. We must be by Ryūzaki at 8 o'clock. Have you shaved yourself today? And has your hairbrush broken in your hair?"  
"Who cares how I look like?"  
"I do! My "perfect" son has to look elegant. You begin to look like Ryūzaki, but at least he shaves himself regularly."  
"I'm not perfect anymore. The truth is I never was." This sentence left my mouth in such a sad tone as if I was about to cry.  
"You're pathetic and he was right you're a drama-queen. This pathetic sad depressed voice of yours won't change the facts, my son." Dad started the yelling again.  
"Sōichirō! Please, stop it! He feels already bad for what he did. Don't hurt him more!"  
"You wouldn't talk so about him if you'd know him like I do Sachiko."  
"You know him? You? Who was not at home with him for years? You jumped always in for dinner once or twice a week in the past ten years. You weren't even present at his birthdays."  
"Trust me Sachiko I know him better since last night."  
"Mom, Dad! Why are you fighting?" Sayu entered in the kitchen. She seems to be still sleepy.  
"About that criminal, your brother, Light." Dad yelled. "Your Mom thinks I'm too strict with him, but for what he's committed one can't be enough strict with him. He deserves that."  
"I understand if you're angry with him, but to humiliate him constantly is not normal. You've already punished him once so please leave him alone, Dad."  
"You have no right to tell me what to do with him. And besides you're both under 20 years yet, in front of the law you're still just children. So, shut up Sayu! Or…"  
"Or what? Are you gonna hit me just like Light?" Was Sayu listening last night too? Her room is next to their room. She could have easily heard that.  
"Don't do this for me! I don't deserve it. Dad's right what he said about me."  
"Have you finished eating, my son?"  
"Yes, I have."  
"Alright! Now we must leave. Bye!"  
"Bye!"  
"Bye son!"  
"Bye big bro! Will you come back tonight?"  
"Yes, the case is almost closed; we don't have much to do except to talk with Light about what he did." Dad replied.

Dad is driving the car out of the garage.  
"Get in, son!" I'll sit back on the backseat I don't wanna look into Dad's face.  
We're going to Ryūzaki. He wants to ask me some questions. He might have got out something from Rem. Dad's so quiet. I thought he will continue yelling with me in the car.  
"Son, I've decided! After the case is closed I will resign from the police and you won't be my son."  
"No! Please Dad! That's too much for me!" I've begun to cry.  
"Son! I've told you: boys in your age don't cry. I might need to bring you after that to a mental health hospital."  
"What? I'm not crazy, Dad!"  
"You are, my son. Yes, you are."  
Now Dad holds me to a crazy serial killer. But at least he didn't hit me today, although I wish he would have if in change he wouldn't want to disinherit me.

We've arrived the building in 30 minutes as usual. As Dad opened the door I was still surprised by Rem. Aah! I think I will never get used to.  
"Good morning!" Dad said.  
"Good morning, chief!" Dad's colleges replied.  
"Good morning!" As I said that I took a quick look at the others and after that I began to look down again.  
"Hi Light! You seem not to be too well." Matsuda said.  
"Good morning Mr. Yagami! Hi Light!" Ryūzaki welcomed us.  
"Hi Ryūzaki!"  
"Mr. Yagami, did Light eat and sleep?"  
"Yes, I've been watching him and given him a pill to sleep."  
"How did you sleep, Light?"  
"I slept well, thanks Ryūzaki, but I had a nightmare."  
"Mr. Yagami, did you hit Light at home?"  
"No, I didn't."  
Yes, that's right, you didn't lay a finger on me since we left this room, instead you're going to discard me.  
"Ryūzaki, I held myself to our deal you saved Light, now please hold yourself to the deal too!" Rem demanded.  
"Yes, Rem. I did not forget about I will let Misa out when we have the other Death Note in our hands."  
"I told you I'm not allowed to tell you." Rem replied.  
"Rem. Since I was Kira, I give you the permission to tell where I hid it."  
"Sorry! It doesn't works that way. The rules don't permit me to tell."  
"Rem, if Light touches the other Death Note will he gain his memories back again?" Ryūzaki asked.  
"No, I've told you already he can just gain his memories back six times regardless which Death Note he touches."  
Ryūzaki pressed a button on his computer. "Watari, please, prepare a car."  
_"Yes, sir!"_ The answer came from the laptop with a huge old style English "W" on the screen.  
"Alright! Light, let us go."  
We've left the room and we're now on the way to the underground parking.

As we arrived Watari was already there waiting for us with a car. The engine is running. Is Watari actually Ryūzaki's butler or what?  
"Sir, Master Yagami, please sit in!"  
"Thank you Mr. Watari!" I said while I was sitting into the car's back seat.  
"Thanks Watari. I'll say the direction, but Light has to tell me first. Till then just let us drive around."  
"Yes, sir!"  
What? I should tell where to go? Ryūzaki wants probably to go to my expired grandparents' old house to see us around in the forest nearby.  
"It's in Higashiyamato area near to Take-yama-uwa Dam. When we're there I can give the directions."  
"You heard him Watari, take us there."  
"Yes, sir. We're on the way."  
Was I there about a half year ago? I can't remember exactly. Where could I hide it there? It must be some location which is easily found by anyone, since it must be meant to be found by Misa. Her memories are there. I hope Rem didn't lie about my memories; I don't want to be Kira. I hate him, even if it means I hate myself, because what he did and for what he was planning to do to my family, what he did to me. How could I be so irresponsible?  
"Light! We can talk now."  
"About what, Ryūzaki?"  
"It's hard to say, but I hope you won't refuse in your interests."  
"OK. It doesn't matter, I can't ruin more myself."  
"Exactly about this "doesn't matter" things. If someone says so he's usually depressed. You can tell me the truth. Did your father hit you since you left?"  
"No, he didn't. But he said he's gonna disinherit me. And under that he means I won't be a Yagami."  
"I understand your feelings about that, but I also understand why your father wants to do this."  
"I know I deserve a several punishment for what I was capable to do, but I can't take this. It's too much for me."  
"Describe me why do you feel that exactly you need to be punished."  
"Well, as I was Kira I did bad things and I planed to do even worse things. I was capable to do those bad things. I opposed my own moral standards. I'm… rotten. I simple deserve to be punished."  
"Did you place yourself above the common, because of your exceptional intellect and morals?"  
"No, I would never dare."  
"Light?!" Ryūzaki looked at me very hard. I immediately looked away after he said that and closed my eyes.  
"Yes, you're right I shouldn't lie. I thought that always. But since you found that piece of paper in my watch I don't think that anymore. I think I'm below the common. I'm just a serial killer."  
"No, you aren't. Oh! By the way your watch! You can have it back." Ryūzaki gave me my watch back.  
"But I did those horrible things."  
"No, it wasn't exactly you."  
"But I said as Kira I was just like now as I started killing, I almost killed myself because of my bad conscience. But then I discarded my morals and I became Kira."  
"You said yourself you were depressed back then."  
"I don't know, I just said something to let me stay there and not to be sent to prison nor to execution."  
"I think you hit the nail on the head. Can you tell me why have you left the junior tennis championship?"  
"Because I wanted to concentrate on learning in the high school."  
"Then why did you enter?"  
"Because… the others, my classmates said I'm too weak, I couldn't do anything serious in sports."  
"And were these just the others or?"  
"No. Dad said almost the same thing to me. He said I'm a shame in sports." Dad, you were never proud of me. But you were always right; I have nothing done to be proud of. "I wanted to show him I can win to show him I was the perfect one who he ever wanted. I wanted him to be proud of me, to acknowledge me. I wanted to proof myself I can meet his requirements. My standards."  
"I begin to understand you."  
"No, you can't. You were not in a situation like these."  
"Trust me, I can. But now back to your peers. It's hard to say without being misunderstood but I'll try. You're very handsome; I bet you were like this as a small boy. You'd classify the so called Bishōnen category in the Japanese culture. I think you're peers in primary school flouted you a girl. Right?"  
"Sadly yes, some what." I never thought I can be humiliated now with anything. But this hurts.  
"And if I'm not mistaken sometimes they called you outsider, because noting else is in your face what could be called typical Japanese except the form of your eyes."  
"Sometimes and only in the first few grades."  
"I'm not envious of you, Light. When did you begun to come out with your peers?"  
"I think in the 5th grade. The others begun to need more and more my help, and I always was a good student. My teachers were proud of me and I think my peers began to feel the same way. I became popular."  
"I see. You seemed to be intelligent as a very small child, how did your parents react on that?"  
"They praised me."  
"Both of them?"  
"Yes. Dad and Mom paid always attention to me."  
"Were you serious as child?"  
"Yes mostly, because Mom used to praise me if I behaved like that."  
"And if you not?"  
"Well… Nothing happened, except she said it's not an honorable behavior for a clever boy like me. I usually stopped doing that."  
"You said your father and your mother praised you in your early ages. When did they stop doing that?"  
"Mom didn't stop, Dad stopped. I think after I failed my grammar test, it was just 70%. I was even myself disappointed form me."  
"Did he really stop then? Or he began not to pay attention to you earlier?"  
"It can be. He began to praise me just when I've got very exceptional good results. It went even worse when he was promoted to be sub-director in his department. He is since rarely at home. He missed almost every birthday of mine."  
"When was this?"  
"I was nine years old, I guess."  
"I think we must interrupt it now, we are close."  
"Master Yagami we are at the dam, where to go?"  
"Go first left then along the street until there is a small street on the right side, the house has the number 7."  
"You said former house? Did your grandparents die?"  
"Yes, in a flight accident as I was five years old. They were Dad's parents. Dad was only child."  
"And your mother's parents?"  
"They died before Mom became pregnant with me in an earthquake. Mom's whole family died. She said I was the light at the end of the tunnel that's why she wanted me to be called Hikari if I would be a girl or Light if I would be a boy. Dad said he didn't want that name and Light isn't even an original Japanese name and it's very rare. He wanted to call me after his father, Ryō or if Mom doesn't want to abandon her idea then I should be called Hikaru the unisex name, meaning dawn. Mom said he can name the second child what he ever wants, but she likes the name Light."  
"Sir, we arrived!"  
"Then Light, you're leading now. And we shall take the spades and shovels from the luggage rack."  
We've left the car and I'm leading them into the forest.

Where could have I dug that note? It must be simple and obvious to describe, so there must be something special around. Could it be my favorite tree in the forest? It's the only cherry tree. I should lead them there. We are close. I used to play there when I was at my grandparents. Yes that must be it.  
"Here are we. It must be somewhere hidden around this tree." I pointed to the cherry tree. "I must have marked somehow. But how?"  
I was who hide this and I am the only one who can think exactly how I was thinking. I must have placed something on it or around it. May be somewhere on the tree at the right side, or pointing at it. I don't see anything. I should go around the tree searching carefully at anything suspicious.

I've already gone around God knows how many times in the last few minutes. My eyes are about to fall out of my head, but I still don't see anything suspicious. It's already happened half years earlier there's no way I could see where I was digging. The mark I left must have to seem to be natural but also must be reliable. A broken branch would be good, but it can occur at any time. Uh! The moss! It must be on the north side, and this tree has just a small stripe of moss. It must be somewhere there. I haven't marked anything, nature has, and even if the tree would dry out it can be still seen.  
"Ryūzaki! I need a spade."  
"Here you have, Master Yagami."  
"Thank you, Mr. Watari."  
Now what's the proper distance from the tree?  
"Light, you are thinking. Aren't you sure this is the right tree or the right side?"  
Yes, my left hand is in my hair.  
"No, this must be it, and we are on the right side. I try to figure out the proper distance." There are roots on the surface so about 30 centimeters length. I begin to dig there.  
"It must be here."  
How deep could have I dug? It must be close to the surface maybe after the first spit. No, I'm not so lucky. I must dig between these two roots; they are close to each other. The hole can't be wider than 20 centimeters. Now try after the second spit. Still nothing here, but may be a bit closer to the tree. No, then in the opposite direction.  
"Hey! I found something."  
"Good job, Light!"  
"Thanks Ryūzaki. It's a box. I can feel that with my fingers." I have palpated a sharp edge.  
I have to dig around and deeper. Just a few spits and we have it.  
"I've got it out. It's a Chinese box but with a modern combination locker like on the bicycle chains. I don't remember ever to seen this box nor on the combination. It has six rings with numbers on it."  
"Not a problem, we take this with us to the headquarter. I'm sure Wedy will solve this little problem."  
"Wait! I know how to break it here."  
If I carefully move the rings around each times it does a small tick and jumps in the position, but it's always baggy. It's relatively "hard" to waggle around the number, but if I've got the proper number it's easier to move the ring. So, carefully, which number is the most waggle?  
I've moved already twice around the first ring to analyze and figure that out, but I'm still not sure. I think it's the 5. Then let see the next. It must be the 9. 3, 8, 5. Now, the last one! It must be the 7, no, then the try 1. I made it, it's open.  
"Ryūzaki, I've done it."  
"OK. Now what's inside?" Ryūzaki has opened the box and there is a black note, just like the other. "Congratulations' Light, you've found it! Where did you learn to break locks like this?"  
"Nowhere, I figured out with my logic. There is a ring which is around a metal tongue. Since they are held fast in each other there must be a big friction except of one place, at the right number, where a part of the ring is missing."  
"Who does this originally belong to?" Ryūzaki asked himself loud and he's taken the note.

* * *

I'm not sure what Tongue is but I've found that among Japanese meals and it's supposed to be some kind of mushroom.  
The word "raito" is the word "light" modified according to the Japanese phonetics, means really light and it's a very rare Japanese boy name.


	5. Secrets

**Secrets**

Ryūzaki's been holding this note already for a while, but any reaction can't be seen on his face, as if the previous owner wouldn't like to come. Is this actually real?  
"Yes, I am. Do you have anything against me?"  
Yes it's real, the Shinigami is here now.  
"No, not I was who has over seen it but him."  
"That's right!"  
"Ryūzaki, I feel myself stupid this way. Don't you want me to touch it so I could see and hear the Shinigami too?"  
"No, Light, not yet."  
Why?  
He must have good reasons for this. The Shinigami might have told him something, what's better for me not to hear.  
"Now imagine Master Yagami how stupid I feel myself while the others see and hear Rem but I don't."  
"I didn't know that. Sorry Mr. Watari."  
"Don't worry you will get your apples. So, you confess you were Light's initial Shinigami?"  
'L do you know, Shinigamis like apples?' I made some inmates write this message down in their cells in prison before they died. I experimented with human lives. How could I do that?  
"Sorry Ryūk! I didn't want to hurt your feelings. And Light feels himself very bad, because of what he was capable to do. Why did you choose him? We know why Rem has chosen Misa."  
"So, you say you wanted just have fun? And you just simply dropped down your note and he was in a bad place in a bad time?"  
What? This Shinigami caused all this trouble and almost ruined me just to have fun. He's more rotten than I.  
"Don't you think it's a bit irresponsible thing to do? This action of yours has cost many lives and has ruined even more lives?"  
"OK. Understood. But if I'm right, since I was the first human who picked up this Death Note since Light relinquished ownership I am the new owner. Am I right?"  
"No, he won't. We made him regain and loose his memories six times already. So, forget it to have fun at him."  
And even if it wasn't enough he did this just for fun, the fun was watching me how I suffer from this and ruin myself. I hate him, I don't want to see or hear him, I won't ever to touch this note.  
"Ryūzaki, I don't want ever to touch this."  
"Don't worry, Light! Your memories won't return. Rem didn't lie."  
"It's not about that. I know I can't be Kira anymore, but I don't want to see somebody who has almost ruined my life and have had even fun in it."  
"That's right he begun to use it by himself." Said Ryūzaki. I begin to feel myself worse again. It's my fault too. I shame myself so much. Why have I done that? "But Rem told me the user will suffer from paranoia and megalomania, later he will loose the respect for human lives. He almost killed himself; if you would have come earlier he would have relinquished the ownership without a second thought."  
These circumstances are no excuse. If I would have hold myself to my moral standards I wouldn't have continued the killings and I'd have relinquished the ownership as soon as he showed up. I'm an imperfect hypocrite. I don't deserve this kindness from the others.  
"Light, do you make any deep thoughts about what you heard?" Said Ryūzaki and waited a few seconds. I'd deserve to be disinherited, but I still can't take it. "Light?"  
"Yes. I shame myself much more now."  
"Why? Don't do that! You missed the half of the dialogue. And trust me Kira was not exactly you. While Kira's personality was born, you were depressed, almost starved yourself to death and you became paranoid."  
"This is no excuse! Especially because I had a bad conscience and I just simple discarded it. If I'd have been sincere I couldn't have done this."  
"Light! You are too strict with yourself. That's why we need to talk more, but now it's time to return."  
Ryūzaki started to go back to the car, I and Watari are following him. Is he right? Am I too strict with myself? No, I failed to do what I had to do in a situation like that. I should have given Dad this note after I knew it works.

We are underway back to the building. Ryūzaki seems to be thinking on something. This Shinigami, Ryūk, must have said something. He or she played with me and wanted to have fun at me, how I try to escape L and the police. He had fun in how I killed them. It's worse than what I did. May be he manipulated me. Can Shinigamis manipulate people or change their personality? No, if that would be the case Rem had already made Ryūzaki to let Misa free. There wouldn't be need for a deal between them. Rem said Ryūzaki wanted to save me.  
"Ryūzaki, may I ask you something?"  
"Yes, Light."  
"Why do you wanted to save me?"  
"I've already told you, I've realized how deep you were affected by the facts. And it'd have been very unjust if I'd have given out you to the police as first Kira while you couldn't remember on that. Besides you're my first friend and I mean that."  
"I know, but what would you have done if this six times rule wouldn't have existed?"  
"Well, that's a good question. But I think I would have set you free after I told you what would happen if you touch the Death Note. And actually you behaved as, I'd guess, you're already aware of that. You tried with all your force to avoid touching the Death Note."  
"And if you'd have brought me there I'd have touched the note and killed somebody to regain my memory."  
Ryūzaki haven't answered for a minute.  
"I might have left you out of the handcuffs. And most likely a race would have started between us who will be the first one who kills or stops the other. But fortunately you were right, Light. Do you know who stopped Kira?"  
"Of course, you and Dad did."  
"No. It was you."  
"But Ryūzaki I was him."  
"Yes, it's an interesting fact." Ryūzaki said but looked somewhere next to me. Ryūk may have said something.  
The question is did Ryūk made me to do these things. How could I ask that? This can't be directly asked. I've got it.  
"Ryūzaki, did Ryūk appear me soon after I picked up the note?"  
"No, the rule says in the upcoming 39 days, and Ryūk said after two week he dropped."  
Was it immediately picked up or after a few weeks? I must know it if I killed by my own will or because of his. If I killed because of my will I… I don't know what will I do. I will accept Dad's disinheriting as punishment, although it feels still so cruel.  
"Light, are you going to figure out was Ryūk there when you started killing?"  
I nodded assent with my head.  
"No, he wasn't there."  
That's it. I'm guilty in it. I've to take my punishment.  
"Light, you shouldn't feel yourself worse than as then you didn't even know about Ryūk."  
"But I do."  
"Yes? Hmm… Light, you should hear this. It might help you see clear." As Ryūzaki said that he lent the Death Note.  
"I don't want to touch it."  
"Do this favor for me."  
"No! Please Ryūzaki, I don't want it."  
"I understand you, but if you don't touch you will feel yourself worse later. I have a good reason for this."  
OK, I own him for a life, let's hope Rem didn't lie. I touched it. I don't remember anything. Thanks goodness! What are these black feathered wings before my eyes?  
"Ah!" I looked up and I saw another living death like creature sitting next to me on my right side. But this is different it has a large always smiling mouth big round eyes, black eye badges like Ryūzaki's and a cindery skin like a dead human's. His neck was surrounded with black feathers around his chest.  
"Hi Light! I'm Ryūk. You promised me an apple if I do this favor for you."  
"Sorry, I can't remember, fortunately." I was looking deep down.  
"Ryūk, would you tell him what you've just told me?"  
"Yes. The thing is Light, I don't know you anymore. You are totally different even from our first meeting. You behave yourself otherwise then as I knew you. You manipulated and used people. But now, you shame yourself for something you can't even remember. You were always so calm and confident. After what I've seen from you, I could never imagine you were so moral. I believe even if you would now find the Death Note without knowing about Kira you'd not use it. You said to me yourself after we were by your father at the hospital, you feel yourself glad with the Death Note and I will experience a new pattern with you after I've told you the user of the Death Note is very unlucky and unhappy."  
"How could I ever say that?"  
"Well, I believe you were very sad and aimless before you found it, you were not yourself." Continued Ryūk.  
"That's not an excuse! I morally failed."  
"We arrived." Said Ryūzaki.  
What? I didn't even feel we stopped.  
Rem should I ask her? Do I really want to know how I was as Kira?  
"Light! Do you come?"  
No, I really don't want. I feel myself better if I don't know. I already know too much.  
"Yes. Sorry!"  
But if I don't know exactly I will try to figure out and I might think on worse things and what I did in reality. Either way I will suffer from my decision.

We've arrived the monitor room again. Watari opens the door for Ryūzaki.  
"We have it! Let Miss Amane free!" As Ryūzaki said that I suppose he looked at Rem. "Mr. Mogi, Mr. Yagami, Mr. Aizawa and Matsuda. And Mr. Watari. Please touch the new Death Note."  
Everybody is touching the Death Note. They act surprised but it seems I was just the one who screamed.  
"Watari, I have the other Death Note for you too."  
"Aaah! My good Lord!" At least Watari did scream.  
"So, people this is Ryūk, Light's initial Shinigami."  
"It's my pleasure, but I know you all already so no need to introduce yourself. Oh apples! Finally!"  
"Hey, those are mine!" Matsuda said.  
Should I ask Rem? No, I shouldn't. Or? I can't take it anymore, I'm too nervous. I have to. But if I do I might me more nervous. May be what Dad would hear he might kill me for that. But if I continue so I will land in a madhouse. I have to. Let be through this.  
"Rem! How was I as Kira?"  
"Well, you were the most disgusting human I've ever met."  
Now I've got it. I knew I shouldn't ask.  
"I thought you were so… interesting. You made me have a good fun. Especially when you killed Raye Penber and the other FBI agents, but the best was to see how you suffered to figure out Misora Naomi's name. You didn't want the Shinigami eyes. It was just cruel, even to me, how you tricked her to give out her real name."  
What? I… I… manipulated somebody to gain her trust and kill her. I shouldn't have asked. 'Dad! Disinherit me now!' No, I shouldn't say this.  
"Sorry! I shame myself so much. Dad! If you want to hit me please feel free."  
"I said as Kira you were disgusting, but as you're now I might begin to like you. You were a different person: self-important, arrogant and you thought you were justice. The Death Note twisted your personality more than anyone else before."  
"I don't know what to say to this." Nor to think. May be, just may be, I was really not myself. Ryūk said I might be not myself even when I picked up. I won't never forgive me this.  
"I go and let Miss Amane free." Matsuda volunteered.  
"OK, but take Mr. Mogi with you!" Ryūzaki said.  
"Then the case is solved." Dad's gonna disinherit me today.  
"Yes, but not closed. We have the exact rules, both Death Notes, the second Kira is stopped, the first Kira is stopped and we still have Higuchi. That's our problem. And we have to do some research with the Shinigami eyes, although Rem told me everything, but I have some ideas." Replied Ryūzaki.  
"_I'm free?_" Misa asked.  
"_Yes, Miss Amane._" Mogi said.  
"_Where is my Lighty-Mighty?_" I told her yesterday not to call me that way.  
"_Lighty what?_" Mogi sounds the same way as I did yesterday. "_Well, he is…"_  
"_Well, Misa-Misa, he can't come he was really Kira."_  
"_Matsuda, you idiot!"_  
"_Really? It was really him? I'm so glad. I have to thank him for punishing the murderer of my family. But I knew it! Rem thanks! You were right."  
_"Wait! Rem, did you tell her…" – That I was Kira?  
"Yes, I did. I touched her with a piece of the Death Note."  
Then probably Rem told her that at the interview at the Yotsuba Group. She might have even shown her who the third Kira is. It's obvious; Misa is not so smart to figure that out by herself. Even from those, probably just lied, messages which Higuchi shall have "sent" to her.  
"_Light! I will pray for you to avoid execution and if you go to prison I will visit you so often how often I just can."_  
"Wow! Misa loves you really." Ryūzaki said.  
Yeah, I know, but she knows I was Kira, and she would always remained me, but the worst is she almost worships Kira. I can't meet her ever again.  
"_Don't worry, Ryūzaki has sampfhm…_" As Matsuda begun to say probably 'Ryūzaki has saved him' luckily Mogi shut his mouth up.  
"_Miss Amane this case is top secret due to national and international security. Don't tell anyone about this, and we're not allowed to let you know more details."_  
"_But he was my boyfriend, my love. I have the rights to know what will happen to him."_  
"_No, you don't!_" Uh! Mogi can look very strict and ugly. "_Now please leave the building."_  
Misa obeyed and left the building. She was crying. I might have seen her for the last time. Why do I feel suddenly so sad about her?  
I might understand her. It must be very hard to know she is not allowed to know about her love in first sight.  
"Watari, did we receive the requested modified pictures?"  
"No, not yet, sir. It's been promised to arrive at 15 o'clock."  
"Thanks Watari! We have to wait then. I think we should eat for lunch."  
"I'm not hungry and my stomach hurts."  
"Light, my son, you will eat with us! There is no discussion about!" Dad yelled.

I hope Dad don't want me to eat seaweed again.  
"Sit down, son! I've let you bring sushi with seaweeds."  
"Dad! I hate seaweed."  
"Since when? You ate it always."  
"Since eternity. And I ate it always because I had to. Dad, do you know me at all?"  
Dad didn't answer. If I have to eat I should eat at least something with better taste. Ryūzaki eats always different things, Watari lets prepare for him.  
"Sir, your kidney pudding with blackberry-sauce's just arrived." Watari began.  
Uh! That's even more extreme.  
"And we have apples for the new Shinigami." Watari continued.  
"More apples! It must be the Haven on Earth. Juicy apples come to Ryūk!"  
"Dad, can't I have tofu instead?"  
"No, son. I've already ordered."  
"Light! If you want I can give you some from mine, it's too much for me. There would be leftovers for dinner."  
"No. Thanks Ryūzaki, but I might to stay with sushi even if it's with seaweed."  
"Are you sure? Don't wanna taste it?"  
"Yes, I am sure and no, thanks!"  
That taste would be just missing to be combined with the taste of the seaweed. It's gonna be a long-long lunch.

"Son! Everybody has finished eating since 15 minutes ago. And you have still the half left."  
"Sorry! I told you I can't eat."  
"But you have to otherwise you would starve yourself to death."  
"I know, Dad. I know."  
Suddenly Watari's phone is ringing.  
"Hallo! Yes! Thanks! Good bye!" Watari picked up his phone. This was really a quick call.  
"Sir! The pictures arrived."  
"Thank you!"  
"I'll leave this here."  
"No, you won't, son. Eat faster. It's yummy."  
No, it isn't and my stomach hurts. If I continue to do this with me for longer, I have to go to the doctor. I must accept what the others are saying, and are probably right with it, I was not myself. But I can't forgive me I started these killings.  
"I finished, Dad."  
"Then let's go."

We are back in the room. Ryūzaki is holding in his hands a batch of pictures of us and to me unknown people, but there are no pictures of him. He said he want to do some "research" with the Shinigami eyes.  
"Where is Rem?" He asked.  
I don't see her anywhere either.  
"Ryūzaki, you said she had an interest in Misa. Can she be with her?" I asked.  
"No. It said it has to be following the owner of the Death Note."  
"Then she is at Higuchi. But I don't see her there."  
"_I know you had to answer the questions._" Came from the sound system.  
"_No! I won't relinquish the ownership. It has no sense. I already lost half of my lifespan and I'm ruined."_  
So, she is at Higuchi but we can't see.  
"The rule says to see and hear the Shinigami you have to touch its Death Note. The cameras haven't touched that, so they can't see nor hear it." Said Ryūzaki as if he would talk to us all but stared at the monitor.  
"But we have. If we could see her through the cameras we could have already seen her in Higuchi's car. Right?"  
"Yes. Light, do you wanna come with me and help in the experiment?"  
"Sure!"  
"Then come, we have to go first for masks." Ryūzaki said and started going. I was following him. "Ryūk please stay here."

"Ryūzaki, Are you gonna reveal our names to him?"  
"If I'm right he won't be able to tell from these pictures, and for safety I don't give out your and your father's picture. The other pictures are from criminals who I know are alive and won't die soon. Some of them are modified. But he might recognize your voice, thanks to your father. By the way, Light, how do you feel yourself?"  
"I think better than yesterday. But I'm angry with myself, disappointed and I'm shaming. I can just not simple forgive myself."  
"I know you shame yourself. You told me in the morning. Are you still depressed?"  
"Yes."  
"After we will have done there, you can go home. If something happens I'll notify you. You should be at home with your family you need their help, Light."  
"I understood."  
"And be with them don't close yourself in your room as usual."  
"I will try, but it can require me some days, or may be even weeks."  
"It's important for you."  
Ryūzaki brought us to a new segment of the building it was some kind of huge storage room. There are many shelves some have electronic tracking devices, bugs, cameras, computers, microscopes, others handcuffs and chains. I wonder for what purpose does he need so many handcuffs. He picks up two masks from a shelf. Each looks like him.  
"Ryūzaki! Where do you have these?"  
"I have a plastic mask factory for masquerades' and carnivals' in Rio. I give you an extra bag of barbeque favored potato chips if you keep this as secret." Ryūzaki said in the same tone as when he told us he is also the world's second and third best detectives. "We have to take them up before we take down Higuchi's eye blinders."  
"Light! While we are underway you might want to read these."  
"What's that?"  
"The first five pages are containing the exact rules of the Death Note, and the last page the known capabilities, limits and rules about the Shinigami eyes."  
"OK, let me see." As I said we left the storage room. I'm reading this very "carefully" if I'm not carefully enough I can slip into something and I'd just need a fall for today. 'The human whose name is written in this note shall die. Both the first and last name must be written in order for the effects to take place.' Trivial. It's so amazing like reading through a software's license agreement. 'This note shall become the property of the human world, once it touches the ground of (arrives in) the human world. The human who uses this notebook can neither go to Heaven nor Hell.' So, I won't go anywhere. It doesn't matter, I never believed in life after death. Wait a moment writing this down is a bit too strange. Using this note is definitely evil. People always believed things like Haven and Hell. Why don't they threat us to go in to Hell instead? You break rules of the society, common morals or even the most common religions teachings, like the Ten Commandments. Something is wrong with this… There mustn't be any Haven or Hell. I knew it always: we live for a while and then die. We don't exist anymore, don't know about we don't exist or don't see anything. Hmm, this one is really amazing: 'If the time of death is written within 40 seconds after writing the cause of death, the time of death can be manipulated, and the time can go into effect within 4 seconds after writing the name.' I bet I didn't know about this as Kira nor did Higuchi know about. 'A god of death can extend the humans life by putting a name on their own note, but humans cannot.' This was also interesting. Extending some ones life with the Death Note? Sounds grate. 'If you lose the Death Note or have it stolen, you will lose its ownership unless you retrieve it within 490 days.' So, Higuchi's memories will be lost after 490 days, because his Death Note has been "stolen" by Ryūzaki. Oh, here is how they saved me: 'You will lose memory of the Death Note when losing its ownership. But you can regain this memory by either obtaining the ownership once again or by touching the Death Note. This can be done up to 6 times regardless of how many Death Notes you owned.' It's not about that I'm not glad this rule exists, but why not infinite or just once or even better how about never regaining? Why six times? Why? There's no logical explanation for the six. 'It is useless trying to erase names written in the Death Note with erasers or white-out.' What if I burn it before the 40 seconds are over? I'm almost finished. Who was that sick person who made up some of these rules? It's like some rights and laws just don't make sense and aren't logical. 'All humans, without exception, eventually die. After they die, the place they go is nothingness.' So! It's finally written down. 'Once dead, they can never come back to life.' This rule gonna explode after we figured out how to copy somebody's memories into his or her clone. Finished! Now, about the eyes!  
'A human can make a deal for the eyes of the Shinigami in exchange of the half of his remaining lifespan. A human in possession of the eyes of the Shinigami sees 27 times sharper then any other human.' So, if that human had to use glasses with a big dioptre he will be practically blind with them. 'Neither humans nor Shinigamis are allowed to see other Shinigami's lifespan and his or her own lifespan. In a case of a human he or she can't see another person's lifespan who owns a Death Note.' I figured that almost out I knew I had to be marked somehow. That must be how Misa knew I was Kira. Actually this saved me from becoming Kira again. Finished! Hyuh! That was a bit too much information.  
I didn't realize we are already at Higuchi's cell. I was just following Ryūzaki.  
"Are you finished with the reading, Light?"  
"Yes, Ryūzaki."  
"Then take this on." He said and lend one of the Ryūzaki like masks to me. I took that on. "And you are Asahi Hikaru and I am Oleg Sergejev."  
"Asahi Hikaru? I've thought my alias is Asahi Light."  
"That wouldn't be actually good, because there are not many Lights."  
"I've got it! Asahi Hikaru and Oleg Sergejev."  
"OK, we can now enter."  
Rem was there in the cell.  
"Gosudary Kyōsuke! We will take down your eye blinders and the handcuffs." Ryūzaki said. I didn't know he can talk Japanese in Russian accent. "Don't try to escape. If you try we will shoot you immediately. Ponyaty?"  
"Yes."  
"Now, Gosudary Hikaru! Please take down Gosudary Kyōsuke's handcuffs after I've opened the door."  
"Understood Mr. Oleg." If he is playing the uninformed Russian about the eastern name orders, then I'll play the uninformed Japanese about the western name orders. Tavarish Ryūzaki has opened the door after he gave me the key. I wonder how many aliases he might have. Higuchi seems to be calm and not willing to escape. Ryūzaki has closed the door and now he is aiming with a revolver at Higuchi's head. I didn't know he has a gun with him. I opened one of his handcuffs and he immediately moved his hands very fast. He caught me and pushed me to be before him, between him and Ryūzaki.  
"It hurts, you are choking me. Hrrrgjr. Ahm." Higuchi got the chain of the handcuffs around my neck. I cannot get air. I try to move the chains from my larynx. Damn! Is he strong! I can't talk. Ryūzaki, please, save me!  
"Gosudary Kyōsuke! If you do not put Gosudary Hikaru down, I'm forced to shoot you in the head."  
"Let me out or I kill him!"  
"Don't try my tolerance or you will end up death! I'm a damn good aimer and I'm aiming at your head."  
"Hah! You don't even have a gun!"  
"Oh yeah?" Ryūzaki has shot with the gun. "This was the last warning."  
Higuchi let me down in that moment.  
"Pyuh! Hah! Hah! That was close. Huh! Thanks Mr. Oleg. Hah!" I'm on the ground leaning on my hands and breathing deep.  
"Now! Gosudary Hikaru, please come out and leave Gosudary Kyōsuke there. He obviously doesn't want to get his other handcuff down."  
I'm leaving. I'm virtually running out of the cell. Hugichi is very dangerous.  
"Now Gosudary Kyōsuke! Please follow my voice. OK. One more step."  
"Hey!" Ryūzaki grabbed Higuchi's other handcuff and closed on a bar.  
"Please turn around!"  
My mask! I've left my mask in the cell. It has fallen on the floor after Higuchi grabbed my neck with the chains. I must get it out before Ryūzaki gets down the eye blinders. He can't move now. I should try it.  
Success! I have it.  
"I will remove the eye blinders. Please be cooperative!"  
"I don't have the Death Note and you are still afraid of me! Ha! What a cowards are you!"  
"So! Let's say Gosudary Kyōsuke. I'm Oleg Sergejev this is Gosudary Asahi Hikaru. I was a formal officer of KGB. I've done always the interrogations. And don't try something like last time or I will kill you."  
"I will give you some pictures. You will tell me if you can see their names or lifespans."  
"Why should I cooperate with you? Or why shouldn't I lie to you?"  
"Because if you're cooperative we can make some deals."  
"It's over, I'm ruined! I'll be executed anyways! What can you offer?"  
"First of all Kira is still out there, and we don't want you. If you help us we can let you go or just imprisoned you for a shorter time. We can talk about. If you not, well… I don't have to loose. I made until now every my "patients" to talk."  
Nice trick Ryūzaki. Higuchi thinks he will still have the Shinigami eyes if he comes out. And the eyes in it selves are very powerful tools without the Death Note too.  
"OK, I'm willing."  
"Here is the first picture."  
Higuchi is looking at the picture.  
"Sorry! I can say his name because I can't read it."  
"Then write it down! Gosudary Hikaru! Please give the "patient" a blat of paper. They are over there on the table."  
"Yes, Mr. Oleg." I've got them from the table. And lend over Higuchi.  
"Thanks!"  
He's written down something like: Иван Александријович.  
"Ivan Alexandriyovich. Russian mafia godfather." Ryūzaki said. He can read that. He must know really Russian. "Next one."  
"The same goes. I'm not sure how to pronounce but its something like Gyārufās Jōzusefu."  
He's written down something like: Gyárfás József.  
"Dyarfāsh Yōzyef. He was a mass murderer involved in a bank robbery in Hungary with many victims. Next!"  
"I can't see it."  
"It's alright he is already been executed. Next!"  
Executed? You told me they were all still alive. May be it's just a trick from him. He's a liar.  
"I can write it."  
He's written down this: Κόμης Παπούλιας Αντώνιος Αυγουστίνος.  
"OK. He is a Greek weapon trader. Next!"  
"Hansu Wēn… Weingarudo."  
He's written: Hans Weingard.  
"Hans Wayngārd. Killed an old woman in Germany. Next."  
"Don't see it."  
"OK, but she is alive."  
"I still don't see it."  
"Next."  
"I see it, but I can't write down so simple."  
"OK. Next!"  
"I can't see it."  
"He's dead. Next!"  
"Guseppe Aruberto Benito Firenzenino."  
"Juzeppe Alberto Benito Firenzenino. Italian gang member and assassin."  
"He is Patrick Neil."  
"Irish terrorist. The next will be alive."  
"There is no name or a lifespan."  
"OK."  
"Hikari Kyō."  
"Next!"  
"Agatha Simpson."  
"Hmm! You are not supposed to see hers. Next!"  
"Hmm! This guy was Miss Amane's former manager. I don't see his name but I would like."  
"OK! Next!"  
"No, I can't see it still."  
"Next!"  
"Aizawa Shūichi."  
"Hmm! Again you shouldn't have seen this. Thanks for your cooperation Gosudary Kyōsuke. I will let you bring something to eat and water and if you hold still I will make the handcuffs off. Gosudary Hikaru, come with me!"

We've left the room and are on the way back to the others.  
"I never thought he would be so dangerous."  
"Sorry for that, Light! He almost killed you. He was more dangerous than you as Kira. At least you didn't try to kill without the Death Note."  
"You saved me again. It was my fault too." After I said that we were quite for a while. "And, Ryūzaki, what results do we've got here? And were those two really dead?"  
"No, they weren't. It was more interesting than I thought. He could read many heavily modified pictures, but those synthesized back from 3D computer graphics couldn't. Even if we used the highest polycount and the original pictures as texture. And he also failed sometimes if we combined his eyes and mouth from other pictures of him. He failed to recognize Wedy, but he successfully recognized Aizawa although we used the eyes of your father on his face."  
"Do you think, Ryūzaki, it is safe to let somebody actually in his cell to bring water and food?"  
"We have to send Watari and Aizawa there with a gun. Watari will have the gun, he can shoot without hesitation. And of course they have to be in masks."  
"I wouldn't let Aizawa there he knows already his name no need to expose he's working with us."  
"Yes, you're right. I will have to send Mogi instead. Although I used pure Mogi for so many things lately I didn't want to use him again, but it seems I have to."  
"Ryūzaki! How many languages do you speak?"  
"Ten: English, Russian, French, Italian, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese and Irish."  
"I can just Japanese and English but I want to learn at least two more."  
"That's the spirit, Light!"

As we arrived back to the room Dad was standing in the door.  
"Ryūzaki! That was very reckless from you! My son got almost killed. You exposed Aizawa." Dad yelled.  
"You almost let Light get killed by Higuchi. I thought you were more careful than I." Matsuda said.  
"You almost made Light to get killed and you revealed Aizawa's identity." Mogi said.  
"Ryūzaki! You went always on my nerves! I helped you catch Higuchi and in exchange you gave out my name and face to him. You almost endangered Light. You should have let us go with you two."  
"And what would have happened then if you all were there? Light would have been in the cell being almost chocked by Higuchi while you wouldn't let me aim at him, because I could have hit Light instead. Higuchi would have kept him as hostage. He might have forced us to let him enter this room. He could have grabbed both Death Notes and the exact rules. We would have been all death by now. You can put anybody from us in Light's place and it would have resulted the same way. Or if I would have entered Higuchi's cell instead of him I would have been being chocked and he couldn't shoot at him. Even as he was Kira he couldn't kill without the Death Note. Nice results! But you are right I failed to think on this possibility."  
"Ku! Ku! Ku! I thought you're boring, but after this action I believe I'll have fun with you even without you'd kill anybody with the Death Note." Ryūk said this in a very enthusiastic tone. His laugh is worse than my.  
"Dad! I should have been more careful. I didn't count on that either."  
"This wasn't this time your fault, my son."  
"Mr. Yagami! Light is finished here for today. You can bring him home if you want. And actually you don't have anything to do either. If you come tomorrow morning you can leave Light at home. In his conditions he needs to be with his family at home. The case is almost closed. All we have to do is bring Higuchi to relinquish his ownership."  
"OK! Then we will go now." Dad said.  
"Then good bye!" I said.  
"Good bye!"  
"Good bye, Ryūzaki! Thanks for saving me from Kira!"  
"I said not at all."  
"I hope we see us soon. You're my first true friend, Ryūzaki."  
"Don't worry, Light! I will have an eye on you."  
"Are you gonna bug my room again?"  
"Nope. Where do you get these ideas?"

We are underway home. Just few days and I am no longer member of the Yagami family. Just few days and I won't have a home. Dad won't be by the police anymore. And all this just because of me.  
"Son! Enjoy while you still have a home and a family."  
"Dad, please!"  
"No, son! You had anything, you wanted more. You could be grate but you've chosen badly and now you have to pay for that."  
"Dad, how will you make sure I won't kill myself after I'm not at home, and what you are going to do with me won't help my sanity?"  
"I told you I will give you in a mental hospital."  
"Dad, please! Don't disinherit me! Do what ever you want with me I won't report as abuse. But please don't disinherit me! It's too much for me."  
"I've told you!" He points at me with his finger. "You won't escape that punishment."

We've arrived at home. It's just 5 p.m.  
"Hi! I haven't expected you so early." Mom said.  
"Hi Sachiko!"  
"Hi Mom!"  
"Light will stay at home for some days."  
"I'm glad, son!" Mom replied.  
"But be prepared Sachiko! After the case will be closed I will resign and he will be disinherited."  
"But Dad!"  
"There is no but about, son!"  
"Sōichirō! Why do you want him still to be humiliated?"  
"Because what he did, and he is not normal, so I will bring him into a mental hospital."  
"No wonder if he goes crazy you are constantly torturing him mentally."  
"I'm going back now to the others. I don't want to see this shame more than necessary."  
He closed the door and left. He was very angry.  
"Light! Can you please tell me what did you do?"  
"Sorry Mom! But you know I can't. It was really bad what I did, and I was suspected to be Kira. They suspected me to be a serial killer."  
"Haaah! Is that true?"  
"The others and L, the leader of the investigation, say it's not but I don't know what to think. L said after he found the evidence he knows I wasn't Kira. And I can't remember."  
"I believe he is right! My son, you can't be Kira. I know my son is not a serial killer. Dad thinks you were him?"  
"Y…Yes." I nodded sadly.  
"Oh my son! Come here!" She opened her arms to hug me.  
What shall I do now? If I don't go I might hurt her feelings. If I go it would be as if I would have already forgiven myself that I was Kira.  
"Sorry Mom! I can't accept your compassion. Like I said I don't know myself if I was him or not."  
"Don't worry! I know you weren't."  
How I'd like to accept this, but I can't it's not the truth. She is hugging me. I have to hug her back. She loves me really. All in the past years I thought the only thing she was interested in were my notes in the school. But to be just until now she kept this as secret to herself very good.  
"Even if you will be disinherited by him, he can't make me not to love you."  
"Thanks Mom!"  
"Guess what have I brought to you!"  
"I don't know… Milk?"  
"Yes."  
"I'll be in my room for a while. I will rest a bit."  
"OK, Light."

I went up stairs to my room. I will call Ryūzaki after I made sure myself Mom won't listen.  
It's ringing.  
"Hallo! Hi Ryūzaki!"  
"_Hi Light! What is?"_  
"Dad is on the way back to you. We had a fight with him. And I had to tell Mom…"  
"_How much have you told her?"_  
"Just a part. I feel myself bad; she hugged me because she believes I wasn't Kira. I lied her that I don't know myself if I was or not."  
"_I thought you don't mind lying."_  
"It's not that. I lied always carefully not to hurt others feelings and not to achieve something for myself, but this time she is so thankful for this lie… I don't want her to do me anything, but she will. I just lied to her not to hate me like Dad."  
"_Light listen to me carefully! Kira wasn't exactly the same person as you. You were under pressure and depressed before you found it, after you tried you were under a big stress because you were socked by its power and the note begun slowly to make you go paranoid."_  
"But I failed! I had to give this Dad after I had known it works. Why haven't I done that?"  
"_Because you were afraid of him, just like now. You were afraid what if you tell him that his perfect, well-behaved son did kill twice with this. Don't forget you told me today morning your father wasn't ever proud of you and he had high expectations. When you disappointed your mother, who was always proud of you and paid attention, with a nothing compared to this as you were six you were spanked by her. Now I can imagine that you wasn't feeling good yourself as a 17 year old boy to tell your father, who you respected more and who had higher requirements about you, that you failed to follow his moral guidance and you killed two people in pure curiosity. You must have thought that in the best case you will have a severe physical punishment from him, and in the worst case you'll be killed, and you are still afraid from your mother's reactions. You fear that your lie will come once to sunlight. Right?"_  
He's damn good. I can nothing to say from surprise. He virtually reads in me even if I can't remember on anything.  
"Yes. I would say you're probably right. How do you do this?"  
"_I guess it's called psychological profiling and psychology, my friend. If you'll have finished the university you'll be capable to do this too. Did I help you somewhat to understand yourself better?"  
_"I guess… Can I call you if I feel I need help?"  
"_Yes."_  
"Thanks Ryūzaki! Good bye!"  
"_Good bye!"_  
But Ryūzaki, this is not true, you sounded as if Dad had the same amount responsibility in it. It was purely my bad decision. No, he didn't say that. He said it was my fear what made me not to tell him.  
I thought always Kira is not evil, but after I know what I was planning to do, I was evil. Wait! May be still not. Ryūzaki said that Rem told him the user of the Death Note will suffer from paranoia and megalomania. If I was paranoid I wasn't thinking clearly. This might be an excuse, but just after I was twisted by the Death Note. I won't forgive me I haven't given that damn note back to Ryūk.  
I have time to be at home. What shall I do? Ryūzaki said I should be with Mom and Sayu, but I can't be with them all day. And it is 100% sure not good for me to think about Kira, I should forget that, if I want to survive. He hasn't saved me just to kill myself now. After Dad disinherited me I'll be in a mental hospital. He can be right I am very labile. After I heard what Rem said about Misora Naomi I thought Dad should disinherit me immediately but after about an hour I felt bad about that Dad will do it for sure. And I am crying too much, OK it hurts, but I have really mental problems. Ryūzaki said **in my conditions** it would be good for me to be with my family at home. Or the other thing he said, we shall talk about these **"doesn't matter" **things. Thinking on these, makes me not feeling myself better either. I need something to distract my attention of these thoughts. I shall learn and read. I have all these Agatha Christie's Poirot books from Mom, what I've got from her for my last few birthdays and haven't read them because I had to learn, I'm gonna read them finally. They're gonna practice my mind. Which one to begin with?  
I shall read them in the order I've got them from her. The first was Murder on the Orient Express.  
So, let's see! 'FIRST PART: The facts. Chapter one: An important passenger on the Taurus express. On a winter morning in Syria it's five o'clock. …'

…  
'"Your luggages, monsieur, have been placed in the cabin number one on monsieur Bouc's place."  
"And where is monsie…"'  
I hear suddenly voices. Sayu must have arrived at home.  
"_And how was the movie?"_  
"_Thanks Mom! It was fine I was out with Shinji."_  
"_I said you are too young for this and I don't like him. You take your school not enough serious. Take Light for example!"_  
"_Light told me to get a boyfriend after he said he already has a girlfriend and before he came with her, with Misa."_  
"_He said that back then when he was covering for their crime. Don't forget that. At your age he was in his room and was learning."_  
"_I'm not so smart."_  
"_May be if you'd try to take learning serious."_  
"_By the way is he at home?"_  
"_Yes he's in his room. He will need us. Imagine! Dad wants to disinherit him and put him in the nuts' house."  
_"_Hiiii! I know Dad is doing over this, but I couldn't imagine he's gone so far."_  
I bet Sayu will be soon here. Till then I should look busy as if didn't hear that. I'll continue to read.  
'"And where is monsieur Bouc?"' She is coming up stairs.  
'"He has moved to the wagon coming from Athena which just has been' She opens the door and enters. 'connected'  
"Hi big bro! Light! Mom told me what Dad wants do with you. It's cruel!"  
'with ours."'  
"Hi Sayu! Yes, it is."  
"I will love you, he can't deny me that."  
"Thanks little sis! You can't imagine how much this means to me. I thought always you liked me just because I helped you and you can be proud of me."  
"Oh Light! Where did you get that?"  
"I don't know; I had always this feeling. Sorry if I hurt you! But regardless of that you shall know I always loved you."  
"What are you reading?"  
"Hecurle Poirot."  
"You still want to join the police, don't you?"  
"Yes, but I'm not sure anymore if my place is there or if I will be accepted."  
"Everyone is making once mistakes. Dad said the evidence on you is not enough to be convicted."  
"Yes, but I know, the others know and I will be in a mental hospital for some time. I will have a bad psychological record behind me."  
"You can still be a private detective."  
Like Hercurle Poirot.  
"No, I can't. My conscience (and Dad) wouldn't allow me."  
"You'll be one day through this, Light. I wish that day would be already here."  
"It's kind from you. But we know I will be a nothing."  
"Where is that Light with the positive thinking I once had as brother?"  
Don't know, Sayu. He might have died at the moment he saw the piece of paper of the Death Note and a nail hidden in his watch.  
"Light, I haven't ever seen you like this."  
"It's not the first time I'm so sad. I was sad in my past four years except the last one. Why haven't you ever asked what is with me? That did hurt me and made me think I am alone and I'm just good as something to be proud of."  
"Because you're always so serious and I have seen you just occasionally when I needed help. You always smiled as if everything were alright."  
"I did that already because I thought no one is interested in how I am just in how I did in the school and I would have disappointed my family with that since their perfect son has problems."  
"Light, we always supported you."  
"I know that, but I thought you did just because I am smart. At least I thought that until today, when I begun to see I was mistaken, but you could have shown me that I am also important not just my good results or help."  
Sayu is coming closer to my bed where I am lying. She is sitting down next to me.  
"Light, my brother! I feel sorry for you."  
She gives a kiss on my forehead and is stroking my hair.  
"I will let you now to read. Are you coming home tomorrow?"  
"I'll be at home for a while till Dad disinherits me."  
"I'll hope he won't."  
"I hope that too."  
"If that's true there is something left from my positive thinking big bro."  
It seems I was always mistaken about my family. I knew they liked me, but for my good notes and results not for myself. My family seems to keep their feelings for themselves. I feel myself somewhat better now.  
Where have I left? I've got it.  
'Poirot has left to search for his friend. …'

"Light! Come it's dinner! Dad said I shall keep an eye on you about eating and sleeping."  
I must eat, and thanks to Sayu and Ryūzaki I feel myself better.  
"OK Mom! I'm coming. What's for dinner?"  
"Shabu-shabu and rice. Do you feel can you eat somewhat?"  
"Well, actually not, but I have to. I'll be down after I finished this page there is not much left."  
"OK son! We'll be waiting for you."  
'"A passenger has been found dead."  
Bouc said this in a calm but desperate tone:  
"A passenger? Which one?"  
"An American. He's name is…" He looked for a moment on the notes in front of him. "Ratchett. That's right, Ratchett."'  
Finished! I wash just my hands and I'll be with them.

I'm sitting down at the table. Mom and Sayu were already sitting. There's no sign of Dad.  
"Good appetite Light!"  
"Thanks! Good appetite in turn for you too!"  
"Thanks!" The others said.  
"Where is Dad?" Sayu asked.  
"He won't come. We had a fight with him, and he was very nervous as he left." Mom said. "Light, you can eat so much how much you want, but you have to eat at least the half."  
"Thanks Mom! But I will eat the whole, I have to." If I want to stay alive. After Ryūzaki was so kind and saved me I own this at least to be alive and one day healthy again. And I don't want to die either.

I'm already eating for a while.  
"Son, you seem if you had some appetite."  
"Yes Mom, I feel myself also better. But it still hurts what I have done."  
"Do you want a sleeping pill?"  
"Yes, I believe I couldn't still sleep."  
"Remind me before you go to sleep."  
"Alright."  
"Don't you wanna watch TV with me, big bro?"  
"If there is a good comedy or a crime story I would like."  
"I'll look for a comedy then I hate crime stories."  
"I've already checked that there is just a romantic film with Sayu's beloved Ryūga Hideki." Mom said.  
"Well, then I'll stay with Christie's Poirot."

It's about 11 o'clock. I should go to sleep. I have to go and take a shower after I put back my clothes at their place. I should drink this time the milk just before I take that pill in.

The quick look in the mirror. I'm so pathetic. My hair is almost a chaos like Ryūzaki's. And it seems I'm gonna have a mustache and a beard. But who cares? Dad? I won't move so much and I still don't have the will to do anything with it. But actually I might even look good with them. Some people might not be able to recognize me. It has its advantages. The mark's gone. Have I lost some weight?  
No, it seems I even have two extra kilograms on me since I wasn't at home. I'll take just a very fast shower today. But the water feels so good on me.

Finished, it must have taken a bit more time than planed but Sayu didn't complain. Now I have to get on my pajama and drink my milk.

"Light, what are you doing in the kitchen?" Sayu asked.  
"Nothing just drinking my glass milk. Do you wanna try?"  
"No. Thanks! And you should quit it too. I read in an article that scientists were able to show unquestionable relationship between the increased milk consuming and increased cancer cases in the past 30 years. I don't want my brother to die."  
"Where did you read that? As usually they forget other factors, like the population has increased since, and there are more and more smokers. And I bet the writer of the article hates milk."  
"But the scientists?"  
"Have you seen any photos from them?"  
"No."  
"Then I'd be not surprised if they'd not even exist. And don't worry the other half of the world is drinking milk on regular base, and they don't die in an increased rate compared to us in cancer. Don't worry! I won't die in that I promise. And if you excuse me I have to drink this now."  
I'm drinking the milk. Finished. I just put my glass into the sink.  
"Good night, Sayu!"  
"Good night!"

I'm again at the door of my parents' room for the pills.  
"Mom, can I come in?"  
"Yes, Light."  
"Where is the pill?"  
"Here."  
And no glass of water? I have to go back to the kitchen.  
"Thanks Mom, good night!"  
"Good night and don't have nightmares!"  
"I'll try."

There is nothing much left. I have to wait till I fall in sleep again. Last time these pills needed just few minutes to work. I hope I won't need them to take in in the rest of my life. To be honest to myself I have to admit I feel myself actually much better now than 24 hours ago. If I was afraid from Dad's possible punishment, why haven't I just given that Ryūk back his damn note? I killed God knows how many people. Let's hope I will once atone for this. So many deaths can't be recompensed. But for the most of them I was just not myself. But for the initial ones, I have to suffer.  
I'm tired already. The pills are working. I don't wanna a nightmare from which there's no awakening or escape like last night. Good thing I woke up before the zombies begun to lunch at me.

* * *

The exact rules of the Death Note are taken from the internet: .com/wiki/The_Rules_of_Death_Note.  
I modified this "six times" rule because it wouldn't be much fun to let Light go through the "regaining and loosing" procedure again. And wouldn't really change the story.  
Gosudary (Государь) it's the Russian equivalent for Mr. in English. The small "ь" is the so called softening letter. If there's a softening letter after a consonant it adds an extra "y" sound like in the beginning of word "yes". I used Hepburn V2 Rōmaji for this too. The ending of the word sounds like the "ry" in Ryūzaki's name. Additional information to Hepburn Rōmaji the "g" sounds always like in the word "go", "s" is always like the beginning of "sound".  
Ponyaty (Понять) means understand.  
Tavarish (Таварищ) means comrade and is a used expression by the communists in Russia.  
The names are written in original and also in Hepburn V2 Rōmaji. The last one is usually used by Ryūzaki's speech. It's always how it should be pronounced. Some times is used by Higuchi's speech while he tries to read it somehow. The "dy" sound like the beginning of the word "duke" and the "zy" is like the ending sound of "garage".  
Do you believe or not this article really exists or rather existed. I've read that about 8 years ago of course the German translation from a very unreliably source.


End file.
